The Dangers of a Teenaged Chosen One
by thisissupposedtobeblank
Summary: Ash has failed - again - at saving the world, and all the legendaries are eager to fix this. Desperate to make sure the boy can actually fulfill his destiny, they come up with a new plan: make the kid older. Now a healthy 18-year-old, our young hero sets out on his journey with new dreams. There's only one problem: those dreams don't match up with his role as "The Chosen One."
1. Chapter 1

Hall of Origins

"Everybody, we're gathered today to talk about the Chosen One."

Archeus' announcement was with met with chortles, snorts, and amused chuckles. Several of the smaller legendaries were outright laughing.

"The Chosen One? More like the Challenged One."

"Oh, very funny, Regigigas. That's rich coming from someone with an ability called 'Slow Start.'"

"Then again, he was able to come up with that right away despite his disability. That says a lot about the kid."

Archeus moaned as the Hall erupted with more laughter. This was not how the meeting was supposed to go.

"So wait, how'd Mr. Chosen die this time? I'm pretty sure I never saw him in Shamouti."

"Oh, a little earlier than usual? What about you, Mewtwo? Did he make it through the storm?"

The Genetic Pokemon frowned. "Now that I think about it, I'm not even sure if I sent an invitation to him this time."

The Hall quieted at that. If the invitation wasn't sent, then that meant…

"Darkrai, care to explain?"

"Seriously, I do not know why all of you think I'm an expert in such things."

"You're the Pokemon most associated with death."

"But I'm the Pitch-Black Pokemon! If anything I deal with nightmares, not leading souls to the afterlife!"

"Well, you look enough like a Grim Reaper to be one, so get on with it," grumbled Heatran, annoyed. A time relaxing in a lava-mud bath sounded much more enjoyable than this.

Darkrai shot a withering glare at the Lava Dome Pokemon, but then rolled his eye in defeat. "Fine, though I still think you should make Yveltal deal with this. After all, he's the Dark type of the Mortality Duo," complained the wraith-like Pokemon as he reached for his folders. He started glancing at any new information. It wasn't long before his eye shot up in surprise.

"... Well?"

"Hmm? Oh, it turns out one Ash Ketchum didn't even get past a flock of Spearow on the first day. Searchers found remains of his body a month later. His Pikachu was actually found by Team Rocket and became a vital Pokemon in their team, allowing Jessie and James to climb up the ladder until one day, they took out Giovanni, causing a huge power vacuum. The whole world was so in shock of what practically became a civil war in Kanto that a storm snuck up on them and wiped off all life on the planet, marking the beginning of the Age of Clones, with Mewtwo becoming an immortal god-king."

Everyone in the Hall stood stock-still at the news. For several seconds no one dared make a sound. Mewtwo smirked somewhat - though that necessarily wasn't how the plan was supposed to go, he was quite proud of his own power that could actually do that. Once he got those Mega-Stones… The Genetic Pokemon eyes lit up at all the possibilities that could happen.

Unfortunately, everyone else in the room were not so pleased. As one, they all turned to their figurehead, giving enough of a hint for the God Pokemon to figure out what was going to happen next. It was times like these where he wished he had the Ability "Soundproof" rather than "Multitype."

Sure enough, every single legendary, with the exception of Darkrai and Mewtwo, started to shout at Arceus at the top of their lungs. The figurehead was quickly getting a migraine due to all the blended voices. Finally, he snapped.

"That's it! Judgment!" With a spectacular purple flash, every single Pokemon - with the exception of Jirachi, Dialga, Heatran, Registeel, Cobalion, and Genesect - all felt a little nauseous thanks to the poisonous attack. Seeing all the Steel types smirk at their compatriots' discomfort, Arceus added a bit of the Ground-type to his attack. He was rewarded with their flinches of pain.

"Okay, now that I have everyone's attention once more, can we get back at the topic on hand? First, let's go over what we have learned about the Chall~ Chosen One from all of our redos, in as much of an orderly manner as we can muster. That means one at a time." The God Pokemon noticed Regigigas smirking at his slip of the tongue and shot off a small fighting Judgment his way. It was quite convenient that the move could easily change into whatever type he needed.

"Well, the brat's an idiot. Seriously, using an Electric-type on Ground-types numerous times?"

"Then again, he has come up with a number of impressive strategies."

"That's the problem! One minute, he may seem like a genius by taking down a number of us and pseudo-legendaries. The next, his Pikachu is losing to a water bug that quite a few beginning trainers have no trouble with."

"So, he's as inconsistent as they come?"

"Well, there is one aspect that he's completely consistent in - denseness."

"Considering how many girls he's known throughout the redos, you'd think he'd get the hint."

"That Iris girl hit the nail on the head - he _is_ a child."

"What does this even have to do with him being the Chosen One?" The God Pokemon screamed out his frustration.

A small paw was raised. Even though the owner of said paw was one of the smallest in the room, everyone treated it with respect. After all, most were descended from it. "Um, is it just me, or does the Chosen One seem ... young?"

Once again, the room was silent. Looks of dawning comprehension popped up on a number of faces - maybe this was the case.

"So wait, all this time we've used a number of methods to improve the chances of him saving the world, and all we needed to do was wait?"

A few of them began glaring at Arceus. This was his plan, one that had failed way too many times. And was it all just because the human in question was too young?

The God Pokemon gave a nervous chuckle. "Well, you know, best to get it done quickly and all…"

Every single legendary let loose their frustration. This time Arceus allowed them too; he deserved every bit of criticism that came his way. Besides, he was happy that the end was finally in sight - they had found the root of their problems, and now progression was ensured.

After a while, the room quieted down a bit. The figurehead spoke up. "First off, I must apologize at the lack of logic on my part - I am a Pokemon, after all, and all Pokemon are adults by the age of ten. I must have convinced myself that humans were the same way." He ignored all the snorts at hearing that. "Be that as it may, we must figure out the best path which our champion should take. Now, are there any suggestions?"

From there the meeting went on smoothly. By the time it was finished, everyone agreed that the new Ash Ketchum would be a perfect champion.

But Archeus had felt as if something was forgotten, only to shrug it off. They had a teenager tasked with saving the world - what possibly could go wrong?

* * *

Pallet Town

"Ash, wake up! Today's your big day!"

"Maguajenvi," moaned the boy.

"What was that?" Silence ensued. "Ash Ketchum, you wake up this minute, or I will call Professor Oak and tell him to wait for another month!"

"But Mom, it's only~" whined Ash, glancing at the clock next to his bed, only to discover that an early hour could not be his excuse for wishing to stay in bed. "11? Damn, must have slept in."

"What was that, Ash?" A dangerous aura started leaking through his door.

"Uh… nothing Mom! Coming right out!" With that, Ash scrambled around, grabbing some shorts, and raced out of his room to find his mother, gripping a spatula as if it was some sort of sword. Plastering a fake smile on his face, the boy greeted his mother in as cheery of a voice as he could muster. "Good morning, Mom!"

The mother glared at him, silently scolding her son about the false airs she was more than aware of. However, that gave way to her motherly nature, and the boy soon found his mother hugging him as tightly as possible. "Oh Ash! My baby boy! Why do you have to leave today?"

"Leave?" The boy took a few seconds to think before it came to him. "Oh, yeah, today I get a Pokemon and leave on my journey," said the boy in a completely unexcited voice.

"Now, Ash, you promised your father that when you are eighteen you would start your journey and become a Pokemon master."

"Hmm," hummed the soon-to-be trainer as he sat down at the table, finding an excellent breakfast of all his favorite foods. Obviously, his mother went all out for him on this special day - she loved doing things like this for her only son. She was truly a wonderful woman - beautiful, smart, charming with slight airheadedness that was still cute despite her age. Then again, it wasn't as if she was incredibly old - she was still just 35 and pretty enough to receive compliments from men much younger than herself. Frankly, Ash wished she would take one of the offers a man gave and go out; his mother deserved someone. And not the pathetic excuse of a man like a certain father of his.

Ash, while putting a bit of syrup on his waffles, tried to remember his father. It wasn't like he didn't know what his father looked like, what with dozens of pictures spread throughout his home. But all those were taken nearly fifteen years ago. The oldest Ash in the pictures was when he was five, having a fishing trip. He hadn't understood that that would be the last trip he would ever have with his father - the man left for a journey soon after that and hadn't been heard from since.

Ash understood that something might have happened to his father along the way that had prohibited him from sending any news to his family - perhaps he was abducted or an accident had claimed his life. Still, the fact that he left a young mother with a child for his own selfish journey was something Ash could never forgive. Ash would never admit it, but the only reason why he was even going on this stupid journey was to find his dad. If he found him alive, then that man better pray to Arceus that he would stay that way after Ash was through with him.

The boy's train of thought was broken by his mother. "Ash, if you don't hurry up and eat, you'll be late for the Selection."

Ash simply shrugged. "The Professor knows four are coming to get a Pokemon. I don't mind getting the last one. Besides, the three that are up are Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle. I'm not sure which one I'd prefer - it would be nice if they were fast."

His mother smiled; though her son acted like he didn't care, she knew that he had put a lot of thought into this. "Charizard is pretty fast, isn't he?"

"True. If I were to select first, he'd be my pick. Still, I probably would have preferred a starter from Hoenn."

"Well, I'm sorry we don't live on that warm continent," mock pouted the parent, only to chuckle. Truth be told, she wouldn't mind living there…

"Don't worry, Mom. Once I become a champion, I'll have enough money to move you there. Then you can start the little Pokemon day spa you've always wanted. Pallet is too small to do that anyways."

"I don't know about that, Ash. The town might grow bigger. We are home to a world famous professor, after all."

Ash simply snorted. "His lab's been here for the past twenty years, Mom, and we still know every single person in town."

"Personally, I think the professor likes it that way. All the quiet."

Ash couldn't help but nod at this. After all, the small town offered a lot of space for all the interesting Pokemon Professor Oak researched. He then glanced at the clock on the oven. 11:35. He must have lost track of time eating and talking with his mother. He got up, went to take a shower, and came out wearing dark jeans and a black T-shirt.

His mother smiled. "Don't you look handsome."

"Well, I should be. I'm the son of one of the most beautiful women in all of Kanto."

That brought a smile to the mother's face. She then glanced at the clock again. "Ash, I think you're already late. Hurry up and go."

"Fine. I'll be back soon."

"Be sure to bring back your new Pokemon!"

"Yeah, yeah!"

Ash walked out, not urgent at all. The professor had promised a Pokemon, after all. That wouldn't change whether he was ten minutes late or not.

As he neared the lab, he noticed a large gathering of people cheering. That was odd, considering how small the town was. Actually, there might have been more people there than the city. Ash frowned. There was only one entrance into the lab, and it was going to be a pain to get through all of the people. Perhaps he should come by later…

At that moment, an amazingly annoying voice somehow overwhelmed the entire crowd. "Well, you must be Ash."

Everyone turned towards Ash, who gave a sigh and stepped forward. Luckily the crowd had opened a path, where Ash found the owner of the loud voice. There stood his old friend and self-proclaimed rival, Gary Oak.

"Hello, Gary," greeted the soon-to-be trainer in a very bored and tired voice.

"That's Mr. Gary to you. Show some respect."

"Hmm? Then please excuse my lack of respect, Gary the Great," replied Ash, his voice dripping with sarcasm, to the amusement of a number of people in the crowd. Fortunately, Gary had never been one to pick up on sarcasm.

"Gary the Great? That sounds amazing." This was met with a few more chuckles. "Well, Ash, you snooze you lose, and you're way behind right from the start. I've got my Pokemon and you don't!"

"... Congratulations?"

"That's right, loser, and it's right inside this Pokeball," grinned the narcissist, though Ash was quite impressed with how he spun the red and white sphere so easily on his finger.

Just then Ash heard some girls cheering and blinked. Cheerleaders? How much did his "rival" need to feed his ego? Unfortunately, the "rival" in question was lapping it up.

"Thank you fans, thank you all, for this great honor. I promise you that I will become a Pokemon master and make the town of Pallet known all throughout the world!" Gary's speech was met with cheers again. Ash just rolled his eyes.

"Excuse me, Gary the Great, but what Pokemon did you get?"

"None of your business. If you'd shown up on time, then you would have seen that I got the best Pokemon from Professor Oak. It's good to have a grandfather in the Pokemon business, isn't it?" With that, and a few more words of self-worship, Gary left the clearing. Ash couldn't help but roll his eyes one last time.

At that moment, a new voice spoke up. "So, you decided to show up after all?"

"Hello, Professor. I'm here to pick up my Pokemon."

"Your Pokemon?"

"Uh, yeah. You know, the one I'm supposed to train? You sent me a letter telling me there's one available."

Suddenly, the Professor frowned. He had forgotten about that. "Well, you see, the Pokemon were already taken by trainers who weren't late."

"... Huh?"

"Well, you know, the early bird gets the worm or, in this case, the Pokemon," explained the professor nervously.

"That's funny. You would think that, with four new trainers, you'd set aside four Pokemon for them to choose. I wonder what my mother would say…" Ash trailed off at that.

"Your mother?"

"Yes, I'm sure you've met her once or twice in the past. Delia Ketchum."

"Ah… yes… Delia." This was bad news. Delia had been a student of Professor Oak. In fact, he would say she was his favorite if she didn't have one major flaw: the woman had the most amazing temper that erupted whenever the professor messed up or forgot about something. Professor Oak shivered at the memories that had spawned a number of nightmares over the years. He glanced at the boy, fearing at what the boy's mother would do if he didn't give him a starter. "Well, there is still one left, but I…" Wait, what was he saying? Still one left? Which one?

Ah, there was _that_.

Professor Oak led Ash into the lab and pulled out a Pokeball with a lightning bolt over the top. Ash raised an eyebrow at seeing it. An electric Pokemon? This was new.

With a press on the button the ball opened up, revealing a small yellow mouse-like creature.

"It's name is Pikachu." The Pokemon gave a little glare at the professor who spoke. Little sparks soon converged as an electric bolt darted through the air, shocking Professor Oak. "It's normally shy, but can sometimes have an electrifying personality," groaned the charred old man.

Ash grimaced at the poor pun. "I see what you mean."

"Shocking, isn't it?"

The professor was starting to give the new trainer a headache. "Is there any reason why he decided to shock you, Professor?"

"Well, while most captured Pokemon are placed inside Pokeballs, there are some that do not like that. It seems like this Pikachu is one of those."

"And yet you forced him into one," muttered the teenager before glancing down. "So, you have, as the Professor said, 'an electrifying personality,' and you don't like common Pokemon rules. Seems like you're quite the naughty Pikachu, huh?" Pikachu perked up at this. It seemed rude to say, and yet the trainer acted like it was perfectly okay. "Say, Professor, do you have any spicy berries? Say, perhaps a Tamato?"

"Er, yes, Ash. Just a minute." With that, Professor Oak left the room.

"It's a risk, since those berries usually make the Pokemon angry with its trainer, but given your nature…"

Soon the old man returned, having found the berry Ash had asked for and giving it to the new trainer. Without a second thought, the trainer gave Pikachu the fruit. "Wait, that's only going to make it… angrier?" The professor stood flabbergasted as the Pikachu quickly ate the berry, much to its delight. "Um, Ash, can you explain…"

"Hmm. It's about the Pokemon's nature, Professor. I think my mother wrote a paper for you once about it. She wants to make a spa in the future that specializes in stuff like this to make a Pokemon happy." The trainer then stooped down to his brand-new partner's level. "But I should probably refrain from giving you those ones. I want to build a good relationship. Maybe ketchup would be good… Say, Pikachu, you want to go with me? You don't need to go inside the ball."

Pikachu looked up at the interesting young trainer who had given him food. For someone so young, the boy had figured out something that the professor hadn't, and extremely quickly at that. He was obviously clever, though he did seem to have a somewhat lazy attitude. And then there was something else… Whatever it was, it promised to be adventurous. Perhaps going with the boy would be a good idea.

After a few seconds the Pokemon nodded, much to the boy and the professor's delight. Ash was excited about his first Pokemon, while Oak was ecstatic his lab would no longer be plagued by the mouse again. It had eaten through some wires that had been connected to a computer he had been using, deleting quite a bit of data the forgetful professor hadn't saved. However, Pikachu wanted its new trainer to know a few things before they left.

"Hmm," hummed the trainer as he watched the electric mouse impressively pantomime his feelings. "So, let me get this straight. You want to go with me, but that doesn't mean you trust me outright?" The mouse nodded its head in confirmation.

"How on Earth did you figure that out, Ash? I mean, I've never been any good at charades, but that~" The professor cut off, unable to say anything else.

"Well, sir, I can't really explain it. It's more like I feel his desire and lack of trust more than anything."

"Huh." Completely bewildered but eager to get back to whatever he had been studying earlier, the professor quickly gave the beginning trainer some Pokeballs and a Pokedex, explaining what each was, and watched as the trainer left the lab, followed by his new Pikachu. Like the little rodent, Oak was also intrigued by the boy - intrigued enough to continue keeping tabs on him. After all, this boy was destined to meet at least two legendary Pokemon… but that was best left for another day. Today, however, something else had come up: a certain paper that a certain boy's mother had written years ago. The professor felt that it could lead to a breakthrough in understanding a Pokemon's feelings. If only he had actually read his student's papers and not given them a grade based on the number of words they had, he might have sent that paper in for publishing years ago.

* * *

"Well, Pikachu, how's your day been?"

The electric mouse lifted up his head and smiled, earning a chuckle from his new trainer. Ash bent down with a napkin in hand and wiped a little bit of red sauce off of the critter. "You know, you eat too much of that and you'll find it hard to get a mate."

Pikachu gave a slightly puzzled look and pointed at an empty bag that had been full with various goodies only twenty minutes prior. It then gave a slight smirk to Ash, as if telling him to worry about the same. The boy laughed out loud. "I give, you have a point."

It hadn't been very eventful after saying goodbye to his mother. She had surprised him with a cheering crowd of his own, only to embarrass him with a ton of stuff that wasn't necessary in public. Ash smirked when he recalled introducing Pikachu, only to have to stop the rodent from shocking his Mom after she had one of her airheaded moments. The rubber gloves his mother had given him were very convenient.

After that, they had walked along to Viridian, since that was the closest city. Unfortunately, a storm picked up, forcing the young trainer to find some shelter under a tree and wait until it abided. Ash figured he might as well get to know about his partner a little bit and pulled out Dexter the Pokedex, or so it had named itself. Thanks to Dexter, the new trainer learned that his Pikachu was the ideal starting partner for him. The rodent was exceptionally fast, exactly what his trainer wanted. Other information the computer gave included Pikachu being male and having "Static" as an ability. Knowing that there was always a chance a Pokemon could get paralyzed whenever they touched the electric mouse could make Pikachu a fairly good physical fighter, despite its lack of an attack stat. Add paralysis that electric attacks often naturally gave … for an imaginative mind like Ash, the possibilities were numerous. If only he could get his hands on a Light Ball… but the chances of that were slim. Wild Pikachu rarely ever held them, and they were never available on the open market. Still, maybe a trip up to Viridian Forest wouldn't be a bad idea.

Ash was surprised to find Volt Tackle and Thunderpunch could eventually be taught, knowing that those were usually egg moves for the Pikachu line. Volt Tackle would mean that it's mother probably held a Light Ball. As for the father…

"Wait, Pikachu, was your dad an Ampharos?" Pikachu was surprised that his owner had figured that out. Ash quickly looked up the Mareep line, trying to recall exactly where the Wool Pokemon could be found and match that with known Pikachu breeding grounds. Oddly enough, only one point seemed to match. "Hoenn Safari Zone?" The trainer looked at his starter and asked: "How in Arceus' name did you get here from Hoenn?" Based on the Pokemon's troubled look, the trainer gave up on the question.

It was just about this time, when the two were starting to get comfortable, that a scream broke through the rain. Startled, the trainer and his partner decided to investigate, cautiously moving toward where the sound had come from. They found themselves at a small pond, right outside of the village. And despite it being such a small pond, a gigantic Pokemon was angrily shooting blasts of water at someone.

"A Gyarados? I know their offspring can live just about anywhere, but seriously?" The young trainer muttered as he and his Pikachu moved closer, caution being thrown to the wind since the giant sea serpent was obviously focused on something else. As they drew close, they saw something shoot out what looked like glittering bullets, hitting Gyarados full in the face. Judging by the Atrocious Pokemon's reaction, the dragon-like creature had previously used Rage and was getting angrier with each attack.

Suddenly, light began to form in Gyarados' mouth. "Oh no, Hyper Beam!" Ash looked and found a cute redhead accurately reading the attack. "Quick, Staryu, dodge!" But it was too late. The Atrocious Pokemon's attack shot forward at an impressive speed, completely enveloping the smaller opponent. "Oh no, Staryu!" But that only caught the giant snake's attention, as it turned toward the human.

"Shit, that girl's in trouble." The new trainer glanced down at his partner, who surprisingly enough had sparks coming from his cheeks. Ash had read somewhere that this was a sign Pikachu often made when it was eager for battle. It looked like Professor Oak's earlier judgment of an "electrifying personality" was even more accurate than he let on. "Look Pikachu, you know you can't beat that thing in a head-on battle. Even if it's water and flying, your strongest attack is Thundershock. It's not strong enough to take on a Gyarados." The mouse frowned, knowing it was true. "However," continued his trainer, making the Pikachu look up, "if we use hit-and-run tactics, we may be able to wear it out and confuse it. What do you say?" The electric mouse looked up at Ash, seeing his confidence. With a small nod, the rodent got ready for battle.

Meanwhile, the Gyarados the two were plotting to attack was slowly growing closer to the girl. It looked down at her, it's stomach growling. It was King of this Pond now, and for its meal it planned on tasting human flesh for the first time. The girl sat there, cowering. She had tried to run earlier, but a stray attack had hit her leg and she couldn't walk on it. She cried with closed eyes, knowing her time was short, as the great fish bent low, ready to gulp her down…

When suddenly the sea serpent shrieked in pain.

The girl opened her eyes, wondering if her Pokemon had tried to fight off the monster with the last of its reserves. But no, the Staryu was still down, no light shining from its gem. Then what could have hurt the Gyarados?

A second later came her answer. A bolt of electricity coming from the opposite side of the pond hit the Atrocious Pokemon, using the Water/Flying typing to its advantage. The monster again roared with pain and anger, turning to where the bolt had originated. It shot a jet of water in the general direction, eager to eliminate the new threat.

Nothing happened for the next few seconds. Then another bolt shot at the Gyarados… coming from a completely different direction! The sea serpent roared again in fury, shooting a jet of water, only to get hit again from somewhere else.

The pattern continued for a few minutes. The girl figured that whatever Pokemon was taking on the Atrocious Pokemon was either weak, because there was no way a Water/Flying type could ever take on some many bolts if they were even at an average level, or purposely holding back. She wondered if the attacker was trained, since it was using both the rain and actual tactics in beating the serpent. Wild Pokemon would never even consider that, fighting more on instinct than with an actual plan, with Gyarados being the perfect example. Obviously ticked off and fed up with the small shocks of electricity, the beast started charging up a Hyper Beam, intent on destroying everything around it. The beam of white light shot forward, smashing into one side of the pond and hitting every inch of the shore as the monster cast it in a wide arch.

There was no way something could have escaped that barrage. The only spot that hadn't been hit was where the girl sat. She watched as the giant serpent huffed, exhausted from using two Hyper Beams in the space of five minutes. Just as it looked as if the Atrocious Pokemon had won the battle, the redhead heard a rustling behind her. A yellow flash darted past her, aiming right at the sea monster. She could barely keep up with it when lightning flashed, blinding her. The yellow blur somehow attracted lightning from the storm to its position, making the beast roar in pain as thousands of watts coursed through its body. As the lightning died, the yellow blur jumped back onto land, right in front of the girl, who was still trying to rub out the spots from her eyes.

Gyarados roared one last time in indignation, but the blast had done its job: the beast was blinded by the light, and sparks flowing around its body revealed that the Atrocious Pokemon had been paralyzed. A young male trainer rushed up to the shore, a Pokeball in hand, ready to toss at the sea monster. Eager to avoid capture and left with no other alternative, the beast dived into the pond to lick its wounds.

Ash watched as the ripples started to disperse, disappointed that the creature had escaped. Still, he was a trainer, and his Pokemon had just achieved a great victory. The teenager hurried to where Pikachu stood, panting for extra breath. Whipping out a berry allowed the electric mouse to recover a bit of energy, but exhaustion had set in, and the rodent curled up into a ball to rest. Ash was still shocked at how much power the little guy showcased. He checked Dexter to see why lightning had been attracted to his starter, sure that his Pikachu's ability was Static, and not Lightning Rod. It seemed that luck had been with him, as sometimes Pikachu act as natural lightning rods even with its usual ability. Supposedly when a number of the electric mice gathered, small storms could develop. The boy started wondering why on Earth the professor thought Pikachu would be a decent enough starter considering how dangerous it was. That didn't stop him from being extremely grateful at Oak's foolishness.

Just as he was finishing up with Pikachu, the young man heard a soft moan. Lifting his head, he caught sight of the girl he had saved. His original opinion of the girl was spot on: the redhead was cute. From just a glance he could tell this girl was pure tomboy - short denim shorts, tennis shoes, a yellow tank-top, and a ponytail to the side. Everything screamed that this girl traveled and liked a little adventure. The red suspenders were a weird touch, but still oddly fit with her.

As for the girl herself, Ash had to admit she had a very nice body. The chest seemed perfect for her: average sized breasts with a decent amount of cleavage, thanks to the tank-top. Her curves were slight, yet still feminine enough, leading to a set of hips that, again, were emphasized by her attire. But the coup de grace was her legs - long, smooth. Ash felt he had never before seen such perfect legs, which was kind of weird, because that was usually something he didn't really care about.

Unfortunately, his train of thought was broken when the girl opened her mouth. She groaned, looking in all directions, and found a young man in front of her, introducing himself.. "Hey, my name's Ash. I heard you scream and ran here as fast as I could."

"What happened?"

"It seems like you idiotically angered one of the most dangerous Pokemon in the world, and then even more idiotically took it on by yourself." Oh, the girl was cute, but Ash was attracted to brains as much as looks, so he felt he didn't need to put on the charm at the moment.

It was as if a switch went off in the girl's head. What was once a lost, confused face instantly morphed into one of pure anger. "What are you saying 'idiotically' for? I wasn't stupid!"

"I explained why already."

"For your information," huffed the girl, "the Gyarados was originally a Magikarp that I was going to capture. It was all going smoothly when all of the sudden the blasted fish started to glow, and suddenly I had an evolved Gyarados to take on."

"Okay, so you were originally fighting the weakest Pokemon on the planet. I understand that now, but tell me: Why didn't you run away after it evolved into that monster?"

This time the girl got bright red and mumbled out something along the lines of getting hit by Gyarados' tail. "So then Staryu had to battle for me to keep it at bay, but since my leg hurt I couldn't get away. Staryu tried hard, but in the end it was still fighting against Gyarados. It had no chance. I thought it was all over, but then that little guy," she said, pointing at Pikachu, "saved me."

"Hmmm? Pikachu took on a Gyarados? You've got to be wrong - there's no way something as small as this mouse could take on that monster. I might have seen him give the final blow, but to take it down by himself?" Ash shook his head in fake disbelief, hoping his starter would catch his drift. Luckily, the naughty little guy saw his master was pulling a joke on the girl and decided to play along. Dexter was right - these little guys were incredibly smart.

The girl frowned. "How long have you trained him?"

"Trained him? Well, today I helped him learn Quick Attack, but that was only a few hours after he became my starter."

"Starter?" The girl blinked, unsure she heard correctly. "You're telling me that the Pokemon you just got took down a Gyarados hours after it became a starter?"

"No, that's what you're saying. I'm saying that it's somewhat unbelievable for a starter to take down a Gyarados by itself." It took quite a bit of effort to refrain from adding "even if it did."

The redhead again blinked. She had to admit that it was quite improbable, even if she swore it was true. But then again, she only saw the Pikachu when he had darted forward to take the Atrocious Pokemon on head-on. Perhaps there were others there that had helped out? She started looking around, hoping to catch something with her eyes.

Meanwhile, Ash's eyes were focusing more and more on the girl's legs. He had to shake himself out of it a few times, but no matter how hard he tried to fight it, his eyes would end up glued to her thighs. He sighed inwardly. By his own admission, Ash was a pervert. Not the type to actually peep on girls - frankly, Pallet had only two girls any other guy would ever consider peeping on, and since one of them was his own mother… he loved his mom, but that was just wrong. Instead, Ash delighted in the accidental perv situation: a girl's skirt that flutters to far up, or a bit too much cleavage. It just so happened that he had been friends with the only other attractive girl in town, who ignorantly offered him quite a few of the favored accidents. She had since moved out with her mom, but luckily they had kept in some contact. Ash actually had some plans to meet up with her sometime soon.

But that was in the past. Now, a very attractive girl with extremely attractive legs was sitting across from him. He tried to focus on her face; it was quite the cute face, after all, with a small nose and large, aquamarine eyes. Ash could easily get lost in those eyes. There was no need to have his eyes wander down and see the slender legs of what was probably a swimmer. Flawless skin, smoothly… shit, he was staring at them again.

And unfortunately, the girl had decided at this time to give up on searching for anymore of her rescuers. She turned to the young man roughly her age … to find him lewdly staring at her. She cried out while quickly rolling up into a ball: "Hey, where are you staring?" In her anxiousness to fend off the pervert, she grabbed a hold of something.

"Uh…." Ash was mentally punching his face. He was an idiot! He should have at least come up with something. Wait, didn't she say she was injured in the fight with Gyarados? "I was … wondering… how hurt you were! Yes, see, if you're terribly hurt, then I would have to help you get to Viridian, and that would be annoying, for both you and me, and so…" The boy kept talking, mentally kicking himself over his horrible habit of rambling whenever he felt guilty. It made him a horrible liar.

"Hmm? And where was I injured?"

"On your incredibly sexy legs," exclaimed the teenager before he could stop himself. Within seconds, he had to duck as the girl threw whatever was in her hand at his face, repeatedly yelling out "pervert" as loud as she could. The boy continued to showcase a remarkable talent at dodging as she threw whatever she could get her hands on at him. "Wait! That came out wrong," he yelled out, trying to calm the fiery redhead down.

"Oh, so you don't think my legs are, in your words, 'sexy'?"

"Well, you've already found out I can't lie, so there's no point in answering that." The boy again ducked down as the girl began using her fishing pole as a saber, trying to cut off his head.

Suddenly, a loud PING! interrupted their quarrel. Ash turned to find a blue Pokeball in the surf. Picking it up, he asked what it was, just as the girl was readying her final swing. The redhead cut off her attack, shouting out something about her Dive Ball. She snatched the ball out of his hand and tossed it to the side, the previous fighting all but forgotten in her eager attempt to find out what she caught. Perhaps the Gyarados had come back and then got hit by the ball unexpectedly?

However, what formed from the Pokeball wasn't a Gyarados. It wasn't even a fish.

It was a Slowpoke.

"Ehhhhh?"

The Dopey Pokemon just stared off in space, completely oblivious of his new trainer. Ash actually wondered if it had realized it had been captured or not.

"So… a Slowpoke?" In response, the weird pink Pokemon turned to the teenager, as if just registering that he wasn't the only creature around. The redhead stared at it in shock. "Do you like it?"

To his question, the redhead rolled up in a ball and began to cry again. No, no, she did not like it. He glanced at Pikachu again, who was trying not to laugh too much. He failed miserably. The Dopey Pokemon then made its way to Pikachu, who started saying something while pointing at the girl. Somehow, Slowpoke understood it and walked up to its new trainer, just standing beside her. Ash supposed it was trying to look dignified and comforting for its new master, but it was impossible for the weird otter-like creature to look anything more than stupid. "Well, it at least likes you," he offered, not helping whatsoever. Instead, the redhead's tears and sobs only intensified.

After a good ten-minute cry mourning the loss of the 1000 Pokedollar ball, the girl settled down enough to call her pathetic excuse of a Water Pokemon back. Ash barely could contain his laughter, knowing if he let out a single chuckle, she would attack him again. Hey, maybe this time she'll use a Master Ball on a Magikarp or a Psyduck! The thought instantly made his stomach hurt as he fought more than ever his laughter back.

Unfortunately, the small peace and quiet was broken by a loud shriek from the girl. "My bike!" There, in the smoldering ashes of the shoreline, laid a blackened bicycle with melted gears.

* * *

"For the last time, I wasn't the one who barbecued your bike!"

"Yeah, but you got the Gyarados to do it!"

"And whose fault was it to get that monster angry in the first place? Not to mention who almost became dinner for the stupid beast?"

"Th~ That's beside the point!"

"Is this how people treat their rescuers these days? Oh, how I fear for this new generation."

"Quiet, you! Besides, I'm probably older than you anyway!"

"Hmmm, if that's the case, then shouldn't you be an example?"

"Wh~ Bu~"

"Well, at least I have the fortune of feeling up these sexy legs of yours."

"Shut up, you filthy pervert!" And to emphasize her point, the redhead took hold of Ash's ears and pulled with all her might.

Unfortunately, tugging on her rescuer's ears wasn't the brightest idea, especially since that rescuer was giving the girl a piggy-back ride. The boy quickly lost balance and, due to the unbalanced weight, fell backward. The two landed on the ground, the fall much softer for the boy than for the girl.

"Huh? Wow, why does it feel like two small airbags saved me from my fall?"

A groan of pain leaked out from under him. The boy lifted himself up and turned to find the girl still woozy from falling with someone else on top of her. Pikachu was on the side cracking up, extremely grateful to have gotten such an interesting trainer.

"Enjoying yourself, Pikachu?"

The electric mouse just nodded while wiping tears out of its eyes. It couldn't remember the last time it had laughed so much.

Ash looked down at the girl again. For some reason, her chest area in which he conveniently fell into seemed smaller than what he was seeing. Yes, it was incredibly soft - he wouldn't mind falling there again - but smaller. He really wanted to figure out why that was, but if he tried to find out now… No, that girl would definitely report him to the police as soon as they got into town. Maybe if he got her into a bikini? Well, in the end, the redhead was still plenty cute, so it really didn't matter.

Ash then frowned. All this time, he had been calling her "the girl" or "redhead" in his mind. He hadn't really ever heard her name. He knew his mother would not approve of that at all.

Finally, the girl shook her head awake. Ash quickly came beside her, helping her into a sitting position. "Hey, that was quite the nasty fall on your head. Let me ask you some questions, just to make sure you don't have any brain damage." The girl nodded, still holding her head a bit. "Okay, first, what is your name?"

"Uh, Misty."

"Okay, very good. So Misty, how old are you?"

"Eighteen."

"And what type of Pokemon do you prefer?"

"Water."

"Okay, you've done well. Now for your last question: what are your three sizes?"

Her response was a swift jab into his solar plexus with her elbow. The boy groaned out something along the lines of "good answer" before keeling back. The electric mouse was again visibly amused at the scene.

"Ugh. Seriously, do you have to keep making perverted jokes? First you mention my legs, then you want to find out my sizes."

"Okay, okay, sorry about the jokes. I guess I just can't help it when I see a cute girl," chuckled Ash, remembering how many times he might have teased his childhood friend along the same lines. It was actually quite funny how the two were polar opposites: whereas his childhood friend would just blush and act embarrassed, Misty here would become violent. The boy began wondering if this girl was an extreme tsundere. According to some of the older men in town, his mother had been that. Finding the girl had gone bright red with his last statement almost confirmed it to him.

But there was something about her that seemed vaguely familiar. He was sure he had heard her name and/or seen her face before. He was fairly sure she wasn't from around the area. So maybe from some magazine or a television show? She had said she liked Water Pokemon… Suddenly, the lightbulb in his head turned on.

"Misty? Wait, you're the youngest of the Sensational Sisters?!"

The girl in question looked up in alarm. Great, she had been found out. Now the idiot would start raving about how beautiful her sisters were like some sort of fanboy. Or maybe even worse, get to know her only to use her to get to her older sisters. That had happened once or twice already. But his next question threw her off completely.

"Why is the Cerulean gym leader all the way over here in Viridian?"

"... "

"Hello, Earth to Misty? I asked you a question."

"... No! You cannot meet my sisters!"

Ash lifted his eyebrows a bit. Did the girl have some sort of inferiority complex when it came to her sisters? He wasn't sure why. She seemed just as attractive as they were, and from what he had seen from their interviews, she had a much better personality.

"Um, Misty, I asked about you, and not your sisters."

"Hah, that won't fool me! I know you just want to get close to me so that you'll meet my sisters!"

"Actually, I have no interest in girls who have to read off a board about their 'true feelings,'" shrugged the teenaged boy. "I mean, sure, they're hot. And airheadedness in small amounts can have its charm, but your sisters have nothing but air in their heads, which is frankly a turn-off." Besides, a girl who clearly inherited the same physical genes and had a much broader personality than a valley girl was currently sitting next to him.

The girl just stared at him for a few minutes, her face gradually lightening up. Finally a small, sad smile formed. "I'm sorry about that. It's just…"

"You've had some bad experiences?" Ash guessed.

Misty nodded. "I finally got tired of being the youngest sister and a tool to get to know my idol sisters. So I left."

"Yeah, I heard on the news a few weeks ago that you ran. No one really knew why."

The redhead gave a small chuckle. "So, I guess you want to battle me sometime for a badge?"

Ash gave a confused look. "Badge? Who said anything about a badge?"

"Well, I am a certified gym leader, and you are a trainer…"

"Oh, I'm not going for the gyms right now."

This time it was Misty who looked confused. "You're not?"

"No, well, I might sometime later, but I'm just a beginning trainer. I'm not ready to take on gyms."

This impressed the young Water trainer quite a bit. Most young trainers were impulsive. She had beaten quite a few trainers because they were a little too eager to get the required number of badges. "So, if you're not going around getting badges, what are you planning to do?"

"Woo all the cute gym leaders, forming a battle harem that will be strong enough to take over the world. Congratulations, Misty! You are my first capture!"

"... WHAT?!"

"Hey look! What's that?"

"Ash, don't give me that shit! What's this about a battle harem?"

"No, seriously Misty, what is that?" He pointed behind her toward the sky, where the sun was gradually setting.

Misty turned to at least amuse him for a second, only for eyes to widen. There, flying over a rainbow, was the most gorgeous bird the Water specialist had ever seen.

"Is that a Ho-Oh?"

"Well, since it's flying to Johto, it could be."

Ash felt some of his childhood imagination take root again. His dreams of becoming a master, catching every single Pokemon and training them up to reach their potential - all of these flooded over him as he watched the golden bird fly west. Well, he may not feel like actually catching every single Pokemon anymore, but still, he wanted adventure. He smirked at himself, wondering if he had always been like this.

Misty noticed the excitement flashing in her rescuer's eyes. "You going to follow it?"

"Hell yeah. I was planning on heading to Johto anyway, but seeing that bird…"

The redhead gave the slightest of nods and turned back, watching Ho-Oh as it flew over the horizon. She wasn't sure why, but a weird… something felt like it was pulling her west, urging her to follow the Rainbow Pokemon as well. With a sigh, she glanced back at the young man beside her. "Well, I hope you don't mind if I tag along then."

Ash whirled around. "What?"

She raised an eyebrow at his surprise. "You do know that there are three legendary beasts over there that are related to Ho-Oh, right? One of their types is water. Seeing as you saw what amounts to being a god on your first day, I figured you might have some weird destiny with legendaries."

Hearing this, Ash just snorted. "Sure, an average guy like me, having a 'destiny' like some fantasy hero. What's next, being called 'The Chosen One'?"

* * *

 **Hello there, everyone! Welcome to the newest Pokemon anime redo on the site. And unlike all the other redos on this site, I'm mixing it up hardcore. Badges? We don't need no stinking badges! Why would we need that when Ash seems to get himself into trouble through sheer dumb luck (or misfortune, depending on your view)? Besides, this is a story about an older Ash, and frankly, people change over time. When I was ten, I was convinced I was going to be the next great college basketball coach. By the age of eighteen, I figured law enforcement would prove more... available. You know, one year older makes someone one year wiser, or something like that.**

 **So, while Ash may still have some dreams of becoming a Pokemon Master, there are other things he's more interested.**

 **Namely girls.**

 **Attractive gym leader girls.**

 **Attractive gym leader girls that can be seduced into becoming the ultimate Pokemon battle harem, following their harem lead to fame and glory!**

 **... Or maybe he just enjoys messing with attractive gym leader girls.**

 **Anyways, there will still be battles, because this is the Pokemon world. Ash will still like a good fight. But it'll be different Pokemon, since he's not following his previous "timelines." We've already seen some changes with previous teams, seeing as Misty never caught the dumbest looking Pokemon in canon. Don't worry, though - she'll still catch herself a Psyduck. And just imagine how much fun a Slowpoke and a Psyduck could have with each other.**

 **So, if you would be so kind as to click that follow button on top with the cute little heart, or simply leave a well-meaning review, that would be, as Tony the Tiger says, grrrrrrreat!** **And if you'd like, feel free to give suggestions to Ash's second Pokemon, though there are two caveats: 1) it must be Fighting Type; and 2) no Riolu or Lucario. Talk about a Pokemon way overused. Ash will not be an Aura Guardian in this fic - after all, he saved the world multiple times without Aura, and this time, he's not ten years old.**


	2. Chapter 2

The two teenagers had decided to stop off at the Viridian Pokemon Center to rest up before their journey west, taking the time to heal both their Pokemon and a bum ankle. Entering the city had been quite an odd experience. Within minutes of reaching civilization, a police officer (whom Ash noticed wore rather short skirts that revealed nice legs - not as sexy as the ones wrapped in his arms as he carried Misty on his back, but nice nevertheless) stopped them, accusing them of being thieves. Luckily, Misty's credentials of being a gym leader checked out easily enough, and the two of them received a police escort to the Center.

The nurse there (whom Ash noticed had a very slim figure, somewhat fairy-like… only to promptly curse himself, fearing he would start mentally judging every attractive woman that he came across like this - if the redhead found out, it might get a little painful for him) was more than happy to take care of their tired and injured partners. What was supposed to be a quick progress report of a phone call home soon delved into a very awkward moment when his mother, after being introduced to Misty, asked if her son had inherited his father's penchant of being popular with women, only to recall a certain childhood frien~ Ash hurried to shut his mother up, aware that the redhead sitting next to him already considered him a pervert. Knowledge of previous actions with the fairer sex would no doubt bring hardship for him in the future.

Of course both Delia and Misty both saw this as an attempt to hide his love life and engaged on a rather long and pointed discussion about Ash and his flirtatious attitude. In the end, the mother asked the redhead to keep an eye on her baby boy, with Misty agreeing wholeheartedly to keep Ash on the straight and narrow. And though she tried to hide it, Ash caught his mother grinning in triumph and groaned. He knew she felt she had succeeded in getting her son a "good girl" and was already planning an imaginary wedding. And the girl beside him was too dense to notice this. Still, his mother had managed to enlighten Misty yet not turn her away. He guessed it was somewhat of a success.

It had also given Ash the opportunity to plan out his near future. As much as he wanted to head west as soon as possible, there was the fact that Viridian Forest, home to one of the largest wild mischief of Pikachu in the known world, was just a few steps north. If Ash really wanted to find a Light Ball to power up his starter, then there wasn't a better chance than this.

"Oi, Misty, before we head over to Johto, do you mind if we stop off in the Viridian Forest?" Ash waited for a response from the girl sitting next to him. "Misty?" He glanced over to where he thought she was, only to find the girl missing. A few seconds of looking around yielded quite the shocking sight.

Of all the reactions the new trainer expected from his new traveling companion, her falling into a fetal position, muttering in a scary monotone something about bugs and monsters was probably the last one he'd ever consider. The hot-blooded Water specialist being afraid of bugs? Ash would have laughed if he didn't know it would kill him. As it was, he really had to use all of his self-control to keep from bursting.

Finally, he decided to ease the girl's mind a bit. "Listen, Misty, you don't have to go with me into the forest. I mean, I'm coming bac~"

"No, you'll just get yourself into trouble again! And you still owe me a bike!"

"Hey, you were the one who got into trouble last time, and I came and saved you! And what does a bike have to do with any of this?!"

"That… that's…."

Suddenly a cute giggle interrupted their spat. Ash turned to find the nurse of the center behind him. "Oh, sorry. It's just kind of rare to see a lover's spat involving a tsundere."

Ash tapped his fist into his palm. "So I'm not the only one who thought that about her!"

Misty, of course, sputtered at this, face beet red at the concept of a lover's quarrel and earning an unwelcome moniker. "Wh~ lover's quarrel? Tsundere? Me and… him?! … NOOOOOOOOO!"

Ash just shook his head watching her dashing away, screaming, while the nurse gave a slight apology. "I'm sorry. Are you two not together?"

"Ah, no, not yet."

"Yet?"

The trainer raised an eyebrow. "With the way she reacted? Sometime soon I'll break through and reach the dere. It'll take a little bit of endurance, but it should be pretty fun."

Again the nurse giggled but soon corrected herself with a small cough. "Anyway, I wanted to inform you that your Pikachu and the girl's Pokemon were all in tip-top shape."

"Ah, thanks.

"No problem. We hope to see you again sometime."

"... Now what should I do with the firecracker?" Ash muttered as the cute nurse bowed politely. It wasn't like he was leaving anytime soon. Whatever, first he had to find the redhead and then it was off to the Forest, with or without Misty.

* * *

"Ash, how could you leave me behind?" The redhead wailed at her traveling companion.

"Easy. I simply walked out the doors and kept marching North."

"But…"

"I thought you didn't want to go to the Viridian Forest?"

"Well, yes," Misty nodded.

"So why did you end up following me?"

"... We're traveling companions, so…" the Water specialist muttered, her face blushing.

"Oh, am I finally cracking into the dere s~"

"Finish that sentence if you wish to live the rest of your life celibate."

Ash backed away from the obvious tsundere, arms up as if he was trying to calm an angry Pokemon. The girl seriously was a ticking timebomb. Too bad the trainer enjoyed living on the edge.

Misty then huffed in clear annoyance. "Why are you going to the Forest anyways? I never pegged you to be that interested in Bug Pokemon."

"Maybe I wanted to get one to tease you with?" Ash regretted saying that after seeing Misty's glare. "Just kidding… Actually, I'm more interested in finding a Pikachu mischief."

"Mischief?"

"Yeah, a group of Pikachu. Like there's a herd of Miltank, a rumba of Ekans, etc. etc."

Misty stared at her traveling companion. "How in Arceus' name do you know that?"

"What? The names of groups of Pokemon? It's interesting. And besides, don't you think a 'mischief' sounds cute?"

"Well, sure, and judging from the one on top of your head, it fits…." grumbled Misty. Pikachu gave her a small shock in acknowledgment.

"Anyways, there's a thing called a 'Light Ball' that Pikachu like to carry around. It makes them powerful enough to take on their evolved counterparts. I figured getting Pikachu one of those would be beneficia~ Now why are you looking at me as if just now comprehending I may not be _just_ a perverted idiot?"

The redhead simply shrugged, closing up her mouth which had been wide-open. "It's just that you never seemed that intelligent bef~" Suddenly a thought popped up. She then gave a very suspicious look at the young trainer. "You did come up with that plan to take out Gyarados, didn't you?"

"I don't know what you are talking about."

After a few more minutes of walking they reached a wall of trees. The two struggled to look into the forest, wondering how any light could puncture the canopy above. All told, the forest seemed awfully creepy-looking.

"Last chance, Red."

"Don't call me Red! And besides, missing out on seeing all the cute Pikachu? I wouldn't miss this chance if my life depended on it."

"There's a Caterpie right next to you."

Misty shrieked and latched herself on Ash, her chest squeezing tightly on his arm. "Hmmm, nice." As a reward for the lewd thought, Ash found his face slammed into the nearest tree.

"Honestly, how can you be so perverted?"

"Because I'm a guy."

"And that means it's all okay?!" The girl rubbed her temple, a migraine forming rather quickly. "Okay, if I remember right, Pikachu is quite rare to find in the wild. So, how are you going to find it?"

"Oh, that's easy."

"What? How?"

"Because they're right there." Ash pointed over to where two young Pikachu were busy sniffing the air, curious as to who the new intruders were.

"Wait, how? There's no way you can be _that_ lucky!"

Ash stared at Misty, puzzled at her lack of reason. "Um, Pikachu's ability is Static. It makes wild Electric Pokemon show up much more often. And the highest concentration of Electric-type around here is Pikachu, so…"

"Fine, I get it. You don't have to explain it more!"

Pikachu chuckled at the exchange but jumped down from his trainer's head. He quickly hopped over to the two electric mice, who seemed a little nervous. The three started a very animated discussion while the two trainers looked on.

"Is it just me, or do those two look frightened?"

"I know what you mean. And even though Pikachu's ability is helpful in finding Electric types, they still appeared way earlier than expected. It's almost as if~"

"~they were looking for help," replied the Water specialist. Ash raised his eyebrows again.

"Finishing my sentences now? I didn't realize our relationship was that far."

Misty rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Oh look, Pikachu's back."

Ash's starter hurried back and then started doing various poses, much to Misty's amusement. She just couldn't get over how cute he was. She glanced over to his trainer, who started nodding his head, as if he understood what the electric mouse was saying.

"So, these Pikachu are having trouble with a plague of Rattata, with a Raticate leading them? And they're asking for help?"

Once again Misty's mouth opened in amazement. He had understood those weird gestures? And what was a plague of Rat~ nevermind, it was probably like the "mischief" and the "rumba" from earlier. How he knew all those weird terms was beyond her.

Meanwhile, Ash was thinking a mile a minute. So, there was something that amounted to a turf war between the two types of Pokemon. Knowing the behaviors of the two, he was sure it was the little purple critters intruding. And they had a boss, from what it sounded like, which was giving trouble for the electric mice who should have had a clear advantage. With a somewhat evil grin, which seemed to be mirrored on the face of his starter, Ash realized that this was a chance. Take out the evil boss, and the mischief would be more than happy to offer them something in return. Even something as precious as a Light Ball.

"Okay, Pikachu, go off and help them. We'll follow along, but if you end up reaching the fight before we catch up, I'm sure you know what to do." The electric mouse nodded and then dashed off to his fellow species, who promptly led him deeper into the forest. "You ready Misty? … Misty?"

Suddenly there was a shriek again, and Ash turned to find numerous bug Pokemon. Caterpie, Weedle, Spinarak… It seemed as if his traveling companion not only had a morbid fear of the Bug-type, but had an unbelievable ability to attract them. She was a Bug Catcher's dream girl!

"Help! Help! Help!"

"Misty, shut up! You'll only startle them!"

"Do something, Ash!"

"... Considering I just sent Pikachu away…"

"Then toss a Pokeball and capture them!"

"... Nah!"

"Ash!"

"Hey, if there's anybody here that should capture them, it should be you! They seem more interested in you than me."

With an anguished cry, the redhead did the unthinkable - she got up and ran… straight into a web. Ash had to quickly stifle a laugh.

"Ash Ketchum, you better get me out of this or so help me, I will make sure these little disgusting monsters feast on your balls tonight!"

"Fine, fine, just wait a bit." The trainer took out a little pocket knife and slowly started to slice through the large strings of webbing. "You know, for a girl who labels me as a 'pervert' quite a bit, you sure have quite a few lewd punishments. You're not into BDSM, right?" The girl instantly went bright red at the young man's inappropriate question, stuttering out incomprehensible retorts. "Hmm… then again, you went and got yourself tied up, so you're not completely an S. I can't believe it - I found the Holy Grail of bondage play: the sadomasochist!"

"ASH KETCHUM, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Pikachu and his fellow mice were slowly creepy up on the enemy base. Every now and then they'd peek out and spot the whereabouts of the plague. Each rat was only slightly smaller than the average Pikachu, but they more than made up the size deficiency with astounding numbers. There must have been near forty rodents in that clearing alone. No wonder the Pikachu packs were having a little bit of trouble with this invasive species. Mischiefs were at most twenty mice.

It seemed like the Ratattas were busy gathering a bunch of food, no doubt the spoils of their recent battle with their electric brothers. For as stupid as his Normal-type relatives were, Pikachu had to admit that these guys were really quite organized. The purple rodents with large buck teeth were all separated into small, relatively equal groups, no doubt to protect themselves from the enemy mischief. Every single ear for each Normal-type twitched, their caution on high alert. Their boss must have been quite intelligent for a rat.

Pikachu wished his trainer would hurry up. The other electric mice may have felt differently, but he knew that Ash was someone reliable. After all, he did teach him how to take down that scary sea monster from earlier. If he was around, chances were that a plan could be made that could easily take out the mysterious Raticate and help clear up this situation. For now, he had to be patient and keep an eye on any suspicious activity.

The girl, however…

"And this is for making more perverted jokes five minutes ago!" The loud outburst cut through the quiet, followed by a resounding slap and a pained moan.

Well, speak of the devil.

Naturally, every single ratty face turned in the direction of the shrieking accusation - the same direction Pikachu and his two compatriots were trying to hide. The closest began to sniff, catching the scent of known enemies, and began to growl in a threatening tone. Others joined their fellow Rattatas, and soon the entire clearing was filled with a deep rumble of animosity from the purple rats. Soon, the low murmur was accompanied by a loud shrill, and out jumped a large brown rat whose incisors were way too long. The electric mice shivered upon seeing the newest arrival, and Ash's starter assumed that this was the boss. It certainly had the boss feel. Pikachu made a judgment call and retreated fast, the two younger ones quickly following. A loud rumbling told them the rat pack was on their heels.

Through the forest the three yellow mice pelted, eager to escape the mob chasing them. They blurred through the trees, sending radmor shocks back at the Rattata in an effort to slow them down. A few cries told them of a few chance hits, but they could not stop, knowing that, while a single Pikachu was more than enough for a single purple rat, it was impossible for three to hold off the entire plague.

As the images blurred past them, the trained mouse kept an eye out for his two companions that had been the cause of this chaos, eager to give his master's prospective mate divine retribution for blowing his cover. Plus, he knew that the girl had a few Pokemon of her own, and any amount of backup was welcome in the current situation. Hell, even that pink otter thing could at least serve the role of a meat shield. Finally, he spotted them - his trainer sitting on the ground, his face swelling and red, while the girl stood over him, fist closed, her face red with seething anger. The yellow rodent quickly headed to them, barking out orders to his fellow Pikachu to go and find their mischief. Both of them shot off in a different direction and Pikachu, in order to keep the Rattatas' focus on him, shot off his largest Thundershock yet, zapping a dozen or so rats.

It was merely coincidence that a certain redhead was standing right next to him when he used his move. And it was purely accidental that she caught a good amount of the volts as well. Not enough to seriously harm her, of course, but enough to feel some pain.

It was an honest mistake…

"Pikachu… why?" Misty wheezed out, her hair a large mess. She was about to crumble to the ground, but fortunately a loud hiss stopped her. Slowly turning, she found herself staring back at a large group of purple rodents with a single large Raticate in the center. Every beady eye glared at the trio, and the former gym leader could tell that the wild Pokemon had only one desire - to tear each and every one of them to shreds.

"Um, Misty, now may be a good time take out your Pokemon…"

"And what about you? Surely you didn't decide to go into the Viridian Forest with a single Pokemon!"

"Er…"

"Ash, I only have two Pokemon who could even fight in this situation! And one of those probably wouldn't even notice those things biting him to death!"

"But Pikachu's already tired… so I guess we run away?"

"... Fine. Staryu, Psywave!" With that, the jeweled brown starfish Ash had seen earlier in the fight against Gyarados flew out of the Pokeball Misty had just thrown, a thin outline of psychic energy covering its five appendages. The psychic energy than rapidly expanded, a pale ring hitting the first row of Rattata, pushing them back slightly.

"Damn, luck must have not been on our side there," muttered the dark-haired trainer. If the echinoderm had known something along the lines of Psychic, that would have been much better for the current situation, but his attack only made the rats cautious and angry. Ash pulled out his Pokedex and aimed it at Staryu, hoping that the Water-type had a better hand than it had shown so far…

"Misty, is Staryu your first Pokemon on your team?"

"Yes, when I'm on land."

"And does it have the ability 'Illuminate'?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't do anything."

"... Well, that explains why you have horrible luck meeting bug Pokemon, along with an entire rat plague," muttered the beginning trainer, much to his companion's chagrin. The boy could at least explain what he meant by that! Slowly she lifted up her fist, ready to strike the beginning trainers crown in righteous anger...

Then again, they were facing an army of rats. Maybe this wasn't the time to bash the perverted idiot's brain a little bit more.

She would just have to remember to do it later.

"Staryu, Water Gun!"

"Pikachu, Thundershock!"

The two struck with their respective attacks, hindering the advance a bit and giving the two humans and their familiars a chance to escape.

"Pikachu, do you know where your friends went? Catching up with them may be the best thing for us at this moment."

The yellow mouse grunted in agreement and promptly darted off in the direction his fellow rodents ran, trying to hide his increasing exhaustion. Ash and Misty quickly followed, the redhead using Staryu's Water Gun, Psywave, and Swift interchangeably as cover fire to suppress the wild Rattata horde.

Deeper into the forest they fled, dodging bushes and branches. The two humans were grateful that the rats were almost strictly close quarter fighters, for if they had any ranged attacks, it would have been impossible to escape. Gradually the sounds of the Rattatas' pursuit fell back until it died out completely. Exhausted, the two trainers collapsed onto the forest floor, heaving for breath. Ash quickly pulled out his backpack and searched for some potion that he had bought at the Pokemon Center in Viridian.

"Hey, Pikachu, drink some of this." The drained mouse stumbled over, falling forward as his trainer brought the bottle to his lips. As the drink ran down his throat, Pikachu began to feel his energy return. Still, it would take some time for it to recover from the amount of running and attacks it had just performed. It was still fairly young, after all.

Just as he was searching for another potion to hand over to his friend, Ash heard Misty wheeze out "recover" in between her breaths. He watched as the gem on the redhead's starfish began to blink until, after a bit, Staryu jumped up, full of energy. The raven-haired trainer stood there, impressed. "Good idea, Misty."

The water enthusiast smiled weakly. "It helps keep the bills low."

"Do all of your Pokemon have moves that help recover health?"

"Goldeen knows Aqua Ring, thanks to some clever breeding on my sisters' part~"

"Wait, did Misty just say 'clever' and 'sisters' in the same sentence?" Ash stood wide-eyed in mock-astonishment, with his starter nodding in the same vein.

"They are gym leaders, after all!" Misty blinked, realizing she was defending the very family she ran away from. She quickly changed the subject. "Anyways, what now? Do you know where your friends went, Pikachu?"

Pikachu frowned for a moment and began to sniff around, trying to catch the scent of those two. After a minute or two he stopped, instantly going alert. Ash perked up at this and was about to ask when he noticed a low buzz coming toward them in the distance. Suddenly a new thought popped into his brain - perhaps the reason why the plague hadn't continued to follow them wasn't because the small group had outpaced them. Perhaps it was because the rival rodent and the two humans had wandered into _another_ territory, one that even the rats tried to avoid.

And judging from that low buzz that was gradually getting louder, perhaps that territory belonged to a swarm of Beedrill.

"Misty, I think you need to get ready for having that Staryu spam its Psywave."

"What? Why?"

"Because I have a bad feeling were about to be attack by a swarm of poisonous bees."

As if on cue, two bright red eyes blinked into existence not far from where they were. In the dark shade of the Viridian Forest, the pair of eyes shone out like very beautiful - but very deadly, like they were poisonous - jewels. Ash scooped up Pikachu, tossed the tomboy over his shoulder, and dashed as fast he could back in the direction of the Rattatas. He would take on a plague of rats rather than a swarm of Beedrills any day of the week.

"Wha~? Put me down, Ash!"

"... can't… talk… must… run…," the beginner trainer huffed out, trying to conserve as much breath as possible.

"Why?!"

" … Beedrill…"

Mother Nature must have been listening, because just as soon as Ash let that word escape his mouth, no fewer than fifteen of the striped insects rushed out of the forest behind them in pursuit. Misty instantly paled, her entomophobia combined with what was amounting to her imminent death easily making her lose control. A half-second later, she screamed out loud, which her Staryu somehow took as "Psywave" and promptly shot off several waves of psychic energy at their pursuers. Ash breathed out a sigh in relief of that - after all, this amounted to twice the usual damage thanks to the poison bees' weakness. Still, they weren't out of danger yet. Ash needed to focus on dodging trees so that those killer bees wouldn't be able to catch up to them.

A focus that he was having trouble keeping, thanks to various lewd thoughts that, no matter how hard he tried to fight off, kept popping up. Of course, for a young virgin who delighted in perverted situations, it was somewhat understandable that his mind would wander on the fact that right now, his hand was holding onto Misty's firm ass to keep her from falling off his shoulder while his other hand held onto her smooth legs to keep her from kicking out. He had to admit, this was an amazing moment in his life. And what was even better was the fact that the girl had no clue what his thoughts were, since she was screaming her head off thanks to the killer bees. Understandable, of course, but convenient. In all honestly, this was the best chance he'd ever have at groping the girl while escaping justice. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help but give that tight buttocks a small squeeze… okay, with that done, he could focus on the situation. If he remembered right, just a few more feet to go before he would get to the area he last heard the Rattata…

And now was the time where fate decided to hell with originality and bring on the cliche.

The dreaded tripping-on-a-root routine.

Ash had seen it.

Misty had seen it.

And now, the both of them felt it.

The young man found himself no longer grounded down by gravity. No, he had achieved lift off and was now parallel with the forest floor beneath him. Pikachu had fallen off and already had scampered ahead, out of the range of the collision, where human-face meets dirt. Ash fought off the natural instinct to throw his hand out, curling himself in as much as possible to try to avoid any long-term damage and shutting his eyes. It also had the side-effect of shielding the sexy legs he had sworn to protect. That brought a small smile to his face just as he felt gravity pull him down again…

Right into the kisser of a giant brown rat.

* * *

"Ash~ wake up~"

'Huh? What? Who is that?"

"Ash"

'Go away! Let me sleep!'

"... ASH!"

A resounding slap soon followed.

"Ow! What the hell, Misty?"

"Huh, it actually worked. I guess humans can learn Pokemon moves after all."

"Huh? Pokemon moves? Humans?"

"Come now, you've heard of Wake-up Slap before, haven't you?"

Ash groaned at that. Of course, his tsundere friend would know that move…

As the boy slowly adjusted to his surroundings, he realized he was in a comfortable bed. A small beep bleated out rhythmically, and everything in the room, besides the violent red of Misty's side ponytail, was white.

He was in a hospital.

"Huh? What am I doing here?"

"Oh, well, it turns out, Ash, that you have amazing luck. When you decided to dive into that clearing, it just so happened that the Rattata and Raticate were busy attacking some Pokemon thieves. Of course, you knocked out the Raticate when you used Headbutt, which threw the rest of the Rattatas into disorder, but the thieves were stalled enough that Officer Jenny and the rest of the Viridian City police force caught up, thus ensuring our rescue from some group called Team Rocket, the plague, and the swarm."

"Huh… that's pretty surprising."

"Yeah. What's even more funny is that you're being praised as some sort of hero."

"... What?"

"The police force actually believe that you used the wild Pokemon in the area to trap Team Rocket, using yourself as bait. I thought it was so hilarious that I decided not to mention anything."

"Okkkayyy. I don't know about you, but I fear for this country if the police force has to rely on such a story to save face."

"Whatever. By the way, you got what you were looking for," muttered the redhead, pointing at his nightstand. There, in a small glass box, was a yellow transparent sphere, roughly the size of a marble. It looked completely unremarkable.

"That's it? That's what we went into that forest for? A yellow marble?"

"Well, Pikachu has to hold it. How big did you expect it to be? And as for the whole forest adventure… it turns out that this Pokemon Center has a 'PikaPower' source - it uses Pikachu as an emergency generator. In order to ensure all the equipment run smoothly, they keep a few of those things to further power-up the Pikachu. Seeing as they had a few extra, they gave you one as a way to thank you for stopping the thieves who had run off with Pokemon from this center." She then sharpened her gaze at the raven-haired boy. "In other words, we didn't have to go into that forest and almost get killed. The thing you wanted was here all along."

"... Er, sorry? And I did say that you didn't have to follow me in there." Ash rubbed his head, still smarting from the pain. He must have gotten a concussion, though he couldn't remember how. Besides, something else came to mind. "Say, didn't you get anything? You'd think that you would at least be considered my sidekick or something… not that I'm suggesting I'm superior to you at all," the youth backtracked, noticing the angry glare the fiery girl shot him.

Misty sighed. "Of course. I said I orchestrated the entire thing." Ash sweatdropped upon hearing that, not really surprised at all. "And as a matter of fact, they did offer me something." Her face lit up in a grin, though, for some reason, the boy couldn't sense any happy thoughts behind it.

"Uh… Misty? Why are you so … happy?"

"Oh Ash, you didn't think I'd forget my promise from the forest now, didn't you?" Ash thought back and recalled her promise of divine retribution for a few too many perverted jokes. His face quickly morphed into pure horror. "Now, to be honest, I was going to let you off a bit, seeing as naughty humor seems to be your thing. However," Misty's grin grew even bigger, making Ash feel like he was about to wet the bed, "as we were escaping from the swarm of Beedrill, imagine my surprise when I felt my butt squeezed. I mean, given the situation, no one would seriously consider actually groping a girl at that moment, right?"

It was then that Ash noticed a rather large bag next to Misty, with a large pole sticking out. Gulping, he asked what that was.

"Oh this?" Misty took hold of the pole which, Ash realized to his dismay, was a handle. "This was my reward for saving the Pokemon." With a strength that didn't seem to match with her size, the girl pulled out… a giant mallet. Ash gulped once again. "Actually, I might have learned another move, Ash! Care to find out what it is?"

"Er… yes, yes I do care!"

"Too bad!" Ash could now see a feral gleam in the redhead's eyes. She was going to make sure this hurt. "Wood Hammer!"

Outside, Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny heard a scream of pain, but chose to ignore it. There was no good reason to ever get involved in a lovers' quarrel. Even if the two lovers were unaware of it.

* * *

In a small forest clearing...

The sun shone down, its warm rays almost healing the unconscious form of Raticate. Just as the perpetrater was, the giant brown rat was also knocked out in the head-on collision. It might have been way too large for a rodent, but compared to a nearly full grown human, the evolved Pokemon was still small. The human still had the rat beat by a good one hundred pounds.

In fact, if it wasn't for the fact that those two front teeth were strong enough to gnaw through refined steel, the human would have most likely walked away from the hit unharmed. Of course, those chops were almost useless after you gnawed through something - eating berries was really tough when you couldn't even close your mouth all the way. Sometimes the Raticate wished it hadn't evolved.

Of course, with the rat boss being taken out, the mischief of electric mice decided to try and push the plague away. Throughout the small clearing, electric shocks and glinting teeth flashed, and cries of pain from both Pikachu and Rattata echoed off the wall of trees.

It was a dogfight.

To this environment, the rat boss woke up. Struggling to stand, she surveyed the area and found her loyal minions defending her from the surprise attack. Still, electrical attacks from range are really hard to defend, especially when the defending Pokemon strictly uses physical attacks. She knew that little time remained before her friends would be overrun.

If only those blasted Digletts hadn't collapsed their former territory before. Dealing with underground dwellers was always a pain. They tunneled forever and took whatever they wanted, and it was impossible to stop them. After all, she wasn't a Sandshrew.

Then again, was her plague of rats any better? They did invade this land controlled by the Pikachu mischief, just so that they could take their electric relative's food supply.

No, they were no better than the Diglett.

With a shrill cry, Raticate called back her forces. The Rattata hesitated, some eager to still fight and defeat their foes, but another loud shriek was enough to listen to her. After all, you shouldn't try to antagonize someone bigger, faster, and stronger than you. And Raticate's teeth dwarfed its basic evolution stage's head.

Another quick shrill cry, and the Pikachu paused, watching astonished as their invaders began to fall back, retreating. Just the lone Raticate remained.

A few minutes later, the Raticate met with the rest of the rat plague. An agreement had been made - the Pikachu and Rattatas would try to coexist with each other, seeing as there were more dangerous foes in the forest. The Pikachu had realized that the Rattata could serve as cannon fodder, taking the hits while they shot over the top. Raticate had figured that would be a valid payment to live here and eat. Plus, cover fire was always welcome.

Wondering how she was knocked out, the Raticate hissed at one of the more loyal Rattatas for an explanation. Had the Pikachu attacked her from behind? It was a sound strategy and fit in well with the electric mouse. The brown rat was not ashamed to admit that they were by far the cleverer rodent. Perhaps she should attempt to mate with the chief Pikachu - the Rattata born would definitely inherit some of its father's brain power and make a good future boss.

But no, according to the Rattata, it wasn't a Pokemon that attacked her, but a human. Supposedly a male had shot out of the trees behind her. The quick reflexes caused the poor rat to turn just as the male's face smashed into her. It was a double knockout.

Suddenly, the loyal purple rat stood still, watching horrified as a subtle blush flashed across the face of his mistress. It was at that time that he recalled a traditional mating ritual that his evolution held almost sacred:

Teeth tapping.

The horrified Rattata had just figured out that his mistress had developed a crush on a human.

* * *

Hall of Origin

"Uh, God-Boss, you might want to see this," a bored Uxie reported.

Arceus frowned at this. Uxie was one of the most lazy legendaries in existence, so for it to speak out loud had to be something troubling. The only thing the legendaries were focusing on was keeping Ash Ketchum alive; had he died, Darkrai would have voiced his complaints at having to fetch his soul again. Okay, so Darkrai had every right to complain about having to do a job he wasn't created for. Still, for such a small guy who put people to sleep, he could get awfully loud and obnoxious whenever he was irritated.

But no, there was no Darkrai around. What then, did the Chosen One choose to stay home? Arceus, confused at why his smartest servant woke up, motioned for Uxie to continue, only to realize that the Knowledge Pokemon decided to take a nap again. Its fellow lake guardians, far more energetic than their Acuity Lake counterpart, zoomed up and shook the fairy-like Pokemon awake. With a startled cry, Uxie looked around and found the God Pokemon staring at him. "Oh, sorry about that, God-Boss. I have news about your precious Chosen One." And with that, the Knowledge Pokemon showed an illusion of Ash and Misty deciding to head west for Johto, much earlier than anticipated.

Arceus again frowned. Johto? He looked back across his Chosen One's first few days, noticing very few variations as compared to previous run-throughs. Sometimes he stole the redheaded girl's bike only to fry it in the end. Other times he saved her while still frying it, exactly like the current run. He then would see Ho-Oh and his dreams would soar. Again, this run had been going exactly to plan. Then why did the idiot decide to head west instead of north for the Pewter Gym Badge? And then, in the Viridian Forest… he completely ignored Caterpie! That was supposed to be Ash's first capture! What in Giratina's Reverse World was this idiot doing?

Worried that his entire plan was unraveling, the God Pokemon started to consider his options? Should he just let Mewtwo wreck the world, resetting the entire loop again? No, the rest of those legendary idiots would start barking at him again. He could do without more headaches at the moment. Maybe he should send off the three legendary beasts to find out more about this? A good shakedown should get the brat back on track. Win a few gym battles, gain enough fame to hold Mewtwo's attention - it all fit together like pieces of a puzzle. That was what Arceus expected of his Chosen One.

Little did the God Pokemon know how much teenagers like to go against what is expected of them.

* * *

 **Hello again, everybody... or maybe all of the two who are following this story. Well, it's been less than a day, so that's understandable. For all you new readers, welcome to an older Ash Ketchum's misadventures.**

 **So, already we have massive changes in the anime plot. Ash goes into the Viridian Forest, Misty follows, Misty freaks out about a Caterpie, and... Ash doesn't catch it! Oh, the horror! And not even a whisper of Pidgeotto? What happened to Samurai?** **(By the way, wouldn't it have made more sense if Samurai had a Scyther? Just saying.)**

 **Anyways, I'm trying to show a Pokemon world that follows the rules of the game a little more... accurately than some other fics on this site.** **I've seriously seen some people have Scyther or Surskit found in the Viridian Forest - granted, I think they justified it a bit, but it still made little sense. Just because they're bug Pokemon doesn't mean they live in a forest - with that explanation, couldn't you get away with Ash capturing Genesect there? Of course,** **Raticate doesn't appear on Route 2 or in the Viridian Forest either, but is it really that hard to believe that, in an area where Rattata are rampant, Raticate would be there, too? Evolutionary chains make sense. Different species, no.**

 **By the way, if anybody starts complaining about the Diglett reference, just remember that Diglett's Cave is all of a few steps away from the forest entrance. I was actually tempted to have Ash catch one, since Dugtrio is a vastly underrated Pokemon (sure, it can't take a hit... but if it can destroy you with an Earthquake before you can react, then does it really matter? Pikachu found that out the hard way.). And even though it does fit Ash's preferred style of Pokemon (quick but can hit hard)... well, I'm sure Arceus wouldn't mind if he caught one, but we're not here to make Arceus happy, are we?**

 **Oh, and so far for suggestions on Ash's second Pokemon we have... Medicham~ which won't happen, since giving Ash such a powerful evolved Pokemon from the beginning wouldn't be too realistic. Of course, we could always just give him Medicham Jr~ err, Meditite... which I'm seriously leaning to, since his Hidden Ability could prove quite amusing in this story. Any Fighting type (other than Riolu/Lucario, nor Legendaries - should have thought that up earlier, because some people might seriously suggest them) is on the table, so send in your suggestions quick.**

 **And finally... seriously, Pokemon? You had Ash release Goodra? I mean, it wasn't necessarily surprising, but seriously? Ugh. And here I thought they were actually making Ash a competent trainer. Granted, Goodra would have been practically useless in two of his last three gym battles (Fairy and Ice), but come the tournament... And how is Ash going to fill out those last two spots on his team? He usually has his team filled out by his sixth gym battle, if I remember, but that surely won't happen now.**


	3. Chapter 3

An underground aquarium

"Fascinating, aren't they? A single one of these fish is fifty pounds, with a jaw strong enough to bite a hole in a boat. And, despite that power, they are completely helpless if they are alone."

A man in a tailored suit walked up to a pool, filled with a fanged fish Pokemon not native to those parts. He motioned for a few lackies to unload a large hunk of meat that easily filled the semi-truck it was stored in. After a few minutes of pulling and prodding, the meat finally gave way, tumbling into the water that was suddenly torrid with movement. After quickly numbering themselves, all of the grunts breathed out in relief when it was clear none of them had fallen into the water. Shrieks of uncharted pain was the stuff of nightmares.

"But when something enters the pack's territory… well, as you can see, little will remain," the man in the tailored suit further explained, watching as the hunk of meat disappeared under the mad rush of hundreds of Carvanha.

"Now, you three: as you can see, there are quite the fair number of these interesting carnivores in the water; I fear there are times when, despite the size of the night's feast, many of them, if not most, end up failing to get even the smallest of nibbles that way. And since they're fifty pounds, they must be quite hungry," continued the man with quite the malicious aura around him. "So just imagine how fast you three will be gone if you take a dip."

Above him, hovering over the pool, were two humans and their pathetic excuse of a Pokemon. He noted with ill humor how both the red-haired woman and the blue-haired man had already soiled themselves, while the Meowth had fainted. Oh, how refreshing it would be to just have these three fools disappear! And all it would take was a simple wave of his hand…

Still, these three had their uses, despite the lack of brain cells within those thick skulls. Cannon fodder. The sacrificial lamb. The trash that some poor schmuck believes is actually some kind of treasure.

Funny how they themselves were that very schmuck. Loyalty - how easy it was to manipulate. These were the perfect grunts - if he told them to jump off a cliff, he doubted they would hesitate. Frankly, it was kind of pathetic how weak-willed they were, but he was a criminal mastermind for an underground organization bent on world conquest. Spineless yes-men were always wanted! And if they were a brownnoser, all the better! Let them act like he was their god!

After promises of wickedness and depravity, all of which he felt they would muck up in the end, he had them blasted off into the sky, watching them fly off with a content smirk on his face. Sure, chances of them surviving were slim, but perhaps those thick heads of theirs would cushion their fall. If he remembered correctly, pain endurance was the one thing they tested in above average when joining his organization - remarkably, it was in the 98th percentile. The idea of such masochistic minions, while immensely disturbing, provided a feeling of safety - those three would be willing to take multiple bullets or Thunderbolts for him, if push came to shove. Naturally, it was best for him to leave them at the mercy of potential enemies than be captured.

"Sir, is it wise for them to receive such… leniency?" The Boss turned around, eyeing the owner of the voice that had just questioned his methods. A cute blonde stood there, her eyes somewhat hid beneath a rather large hat. Her apparel showed off the astounding body that she had surely trained days upon days to achieve, her skirt-and-sock combo enough to keep guys from staring but still be interesting. She wore her tight shirt proudly, either because of her generous bust or the bright red "R" read on it. All told, she would provide a very enticing mistress for the Boss.

If only she did something different with her hair. Her drill-like twintail hairstyle was much too immature for his taste. And seeing them so close to the rest of her face was too weird. Neck-down she was a goddess. Even her face was pretty nice. But that hair threw any lustful thought out the window. Not to mention her personality, which was either annoyed and sarcastic, unless she was talking to him (and that had taken some time, too); or her phony one which she used when undercover. Oddly enough, that one was playful and immature… just like those weird twintails. Maybe the latter personality was the one she would have had had she not joined Team Rocket. The Boss shuddered at that thought.

It was a shame, really. She had the body potential to be an excellent femme fatale.

"Relax, 009. Those three are merely grunts. They're purpose is to incite mayhem throughout Kanto, distracting the authorities on our true actions. Though I must admit, I would rather they not get caught. I fear those three would not hold up well in interrogation."

The blonde regarded her Boss' opinion, personally not agreeing with it. "I much prefer not having embarrassing idiots making a mockery of Team Rocket."

"And that is the reason why I let them. Their actions allow the rest of the world to believe Team Rocket is nothing more than a joke. Meanwhile, we secretly build up our resources, train up our forces, and create the technology necessary to achieve our dreams. The world will not be prepared for the day Team Rocket decides to make our move."

Chuckling at his elite officer's lack of understanding, the tall man walked up to a screen, observing his greatest weapon. "What we have here is a Pokemon so powerful, it flattened an entire facility as easily as a sand castle. No creature alive could do that, hence why I consider him a god. And who created this god? Not Arceus. No, we humans have finally reached the point to bring that god to his knees. But I fear the day this realizes his power. That is why we have it under so much protection. It would prove disastrous if it escaped - years of research and planning wiped away, our goals delayed for who knows how long.

"And yet, despite our power, despite our knowledge, we failed to make the perfect Pokemon. You see, though this god in earthly chains has such immense power, it has a weakness. It's Psychic power can do nothing against the Dark-type. Those fish in that pool, individually weak, could conceivably defeat him. It's almost as if Arceus himself foresaw our goals and made plans to combat him long before humans could even think, let alone create.

"So, what are we humans supposed to do? Just sit back, hoping that someday some mysterious and fantastic virus arrives, eliminating all Dark Pokemon? No, we do what humans always have done: we adapt. We fight against our limitations. That's why idiots like those three can prove so useful. They allow us to learn how we can adapt against potential threats.

"Which brings us to another topic, 009."

The agent perked up at this. Something was threatening Team Rocket? She knew of other organizations throughout the world, bent on world conquest or something of that sort. Personally, she thought most of those gangs were led by whack-jobs - pathetic men so caught up in their dreams, they failed to see the storm gathering around them. They were nothing compared to the might of Team Rocket. Even her Boss felt so.

Yet there was someone out there who had Giovanni concerned? "May I inquire what you are talking about, sir?"

"Ah, 009, I can't say I have proof, but this boy, who just appeared out of nowhere to apprehend those three idiots… he concerns me. I cannot for certain say why - just call it a gut feeling."

"A gut feeling?"

"Do not question me on this. As much as I loathe the woman, our entire operation began with a simple gut feeling from my mother. It is the one thing I'm glad I inherited from her. How do you think the idea for our goals here came to be?" Giovanni turned to another screen, showing "The Hero of Viridian," a young, eighteen year old boy smiling slightly embarrassed at the camera. "This boy… he spells trouble. Not just for Team Rocket - no, I suspect he could prove an annoying thorn to all the entire Underworld. Of course, if he were to join us…"

The Team Rocket boss mused for a few seconds and then turned to his trusted agent. "009, your new mission - observe Ash Ketchum, test him, and, if you see an opportunity, recruit him."

009 twitched at that - this seemed like a job beneath her. "And how should I approach him, sir?"

Giovanni grinned, a smile that sent a chill down the elite officer's back. He then motioned to the screen once again, showing the boy next to a cute redhead. "Easy. Just be a girl."

* * *

Somewhere remarkably close by, the new target was busy looking at his Pokedex, a lewd smile on his face. As the seconds ticked by, the grin became more and more pronounced.

Naturally, his female companion was not amused. "Would you cut it out?! How long are you going to stare at those?"

"Eh? You say something?"

"I said," and here, Ash realized his friend was getting dangerously into tsun-tsun territory, "when will you stop looking at those pictures?"

To say the rookie trainer from Pallet Town was at a crossroads would be an understatement. The young man felt his next few words could mean life or death - that mallet the girl had bought was serious bad news. Even though he couldn't see it at all, if he spoke poorly, that Weapon of Doom would somehow be summoned and smash his brain into mush.

That said, the girl had brought this on herself.

"I frankly don't see why you are so mad. You should be flattered by the attention I'm giving your excellent body."

That's right. On Ash Ketchum's Pokedex, a device created for the purpose of observing and cataloguing all of the world's fascinating creatures, there were several photos of the former Cerulean Gym leader in her swimwear.

He didn't see why she was so embarrassed. To be perfectly honest, she had looked stunning in her skimpy red bikini. It had proven to be a match made in pervert's heaven, even if it basically confirmed that she had stuffed her bra a bit. He was a man who cared little how large or small a girl's chest was - if she was hot, who cared?

"I don't think I ever told you you could take pictures of me, you filthy pervert!"

"You never said I couldn't. In fact, when I asked if I could, I'm pretty sure you words were: 'Hah! I don't care! I doubt you even have a camera!'"

The girl grinded her teeth, knowing that he had her beat there. That knowledge may have prevented her from playing a new game she invented called "Smash-an-Ash," but it didn't shut up her complaining. "How was I supposed to know you had a camera?! You had never taken any pictures before!"

"Well, we've only known each other for what, four days? And it's a Pokedex, meant to help the old man's research. What type of research tool would it be if it didn't include a camera?"

"And what does me in a bikini have anything to do with Pokemon research?!"

"Absolutely nothing. I'm not here to research Pokemon." Seeing his friend not mellow out whatsoever, he tried a different approach to placate her. "At least you got a Pokemon out of it."

Unfortunately, that didn't help matters.

"That… _thing_ … is no Pokemon!"

"How rude! Poor Psyduck is too a Pokemon! You could seriously hurt his feelings."

"Psyduck is too stupid to have feelings! Seriously, what Pokemon walks into the middle of a battle to say 'hi'?!"

Perhaps this should be explained thoroughly. Ash and Misty were on the road to Johto, taking the nice scenic path of Route 22, when they stumbled upon a small lake. Naturally, Misty, the Water Pokemon enthusiast, saw an opportunity to add another member to her team of Staryu and Goldeen (she still had trouble adding Slowpoke into that group). Armed with the knowledge that her starfish's ability enhanced wild Pokemon encounters, she fearlessly whipped out her rod and, determined to fish out the best Water-type in the lake, proceeded with her "lucky" lure (Ash personally couldn't see how Misty in miniature would entice Pokemon to bite, and if it did, wouldn't that mean that the Pokemon she was planning to catch wanted to eat her?).

Imagine the look of astonishment on Ash's face when, no longer than thirty seconds after that lure hit the water, a sharp tug informed the two that Misty had a bite. And even more surprising was what came out once the ex-gym leader reeled the Pokemon in - a rather strong looking Poliwhirl. In fact, the Poliwhirl was so strong, it quickly overwhelmed both of Misty's strongest fighters. The redhead, not eager of the embarrassment Slowpoke would provide, begged Ash to allow her to use Pikachu, knowing the type-advantage would most likely lead to the Tadpole Pokemon's capture.

Of course, Ash wasn't willing to let her use Pikachu for free, especially since, if she were to succeed, it would practically be his capture. No, there was a price to be paid, and, fortunately for Ash and his libido, Misty was desperate enough to cash it in. She had expressly outlawed underwear, though he wasn't planning on declaring that as the price - not because he didn't want to see her wearing nothing but a bra and panties, but because she most likely would have allowed Poliwhirl to escape had he brought it up. No, he was clever enough to bargain for the right price. He personally didn't see what the difference was between a bikini and underwear - they both covered up very little and left a ton to the imagination.

Once the two teenagers shook on it, Misty and Pikachu quickly bowled their way through the blue amphibian, and pretty soon the Pokemon was paralysed and primed for capture. All the redhead needed to do was toss her last Dive Ball, certain that, with its stronger catch rate to Water Pokemon, Poliwhirl was going to be her newest team member.

And at that moment, a dumb and completely ignorant Psyduck waddled in front of the Tadpole and right in the path of the blue Pokeball.

Naturally, the process had been seamless. Within seconds, the Ping! sound congratulated Misty on her capture. Ash broke down, laughing his head off, with Pikachu soon joining him. Poor Misty stood there in shock, astonished at her incredible luck, or lack thereof. In the confusion, the Poliwhirl escaped, not that it would have mattered - the ex-gym leader no longer had any more Pokeballs. Out popped Psyduck, holding his head in confusion. He was soon joined by Slowpoke, which prompted the rookie trainer and his starter to laugh even harder, rolling on the ground.

Misty had later tried to squirm out of her end of the bargain, arguing that her failure to capture Poliwhirl meant the deal was null and void. Her companion had naturally figured something was going to happen, what with his friend's luck, and had made sure that no matter what happened he would see the girl in a bikini.

All in all, it had been a wonderful day for Ash, and a horrible day for Misty. It was starting to become a pattern.

"Seriously, could you cut it out? That giggle is seriously creeping me out."

"Hey, be happy! You may have missed out on that Poliwhirl and gotten the duck instead, and you may have lost some of your dignity, but at least you rose a few ranks on my 'Sexiest Gym Leaders' list!"

"... Your what?"

Before she could even finish her question, Ash had pulled out an official looking document from … somewhere. Inside his jacket? One, why would he have something there, and two, how did that document fit there? She would have sat there trying to figure it out, but Ash had already pushed the paper into her hands. Looking down, she read the title in bold, elegant letters:

 _ **Ash Ketchum's Top Ten Hottest Gym Leaders**_

 _Awesome skills? Sexy bodies? These girls have it all!_

"Ash, what the hell is this?!"

"Is the title not obvious enough? I thought I made it easy to understand."

"'Hottest Gym Leaders'? You've gone and made a list based not on a girl's skill, but her sex appeal?" Suddenly, something the raven-haired trainer once mentioned popped back into her head. "Wait, you were being serious when you talked about that battle harem shit back then?!"

At this, Ash lifted his chin in a show of arrogance. "I am of course aware that I haven't got a shot with most of those girls. I am the epitome of a hormonal teenaged guy!"

"... To actually be proud of that,..." muttered the redhead, amazed at how clear-sighted yet dumb her friend was. She glanced back down at the list, wondering where she popped up, despite herself. "Wait, why am I only ninth? I'm barely on the list!"

"Ninth out of 23 girls is pretty good, Misty. Well, I didn't take into account the Orange League - Cissy may have bumped you down to tenth. It's a toss-up between the two of you."

"Cissy?"

"Yeah. I'm not completely sure why… there's just some sort of Onee-san vibe that really gets to a guy."

"Wait, Sabrina is #6!"

"Uh, yeah. Have you seen her? I seriously might have her a little low. Best looking girl in Kanto, bar none."

Ash, of course, knew he really shouldn't say something like that straight at a girl and probably was earning himself a few lumps on the head, but it was awfully fun to tease Misty. She got so fired up… he preferred it when she'd show a bit of her dere side, but that tsun side could be pretty cute.

Meanwhile, Misty was going down the list, trying to find a way to up her rank, even though she wasn't sure why it was bothering her. Unfortunately, she could somewhat understand why her friend ranked the girls the way he did. Number one on the list, Elesa from Unova's Nimbasa City, was world renowned for her top-class beauty. Skyla and Flannery had bodies most girls would kill for. Jasmine had the shy beauty vibe that would make every straight guy vow to protect her. Clair was an older woman with flair and a killer body. Sabrina… well, she didn't want to admit the truth, seeing as the Psychic Master was arguably her biggest rival in Kanto. Roxanne was the strict disciplinarian/student body president type that some guys were crazy for. And Valerie was another model, with a calming influence.

And then Misty, a girl that, while the prototypical tomboy tsundere, had a somewhat flatter chest than advertised. But her legs were nice!

At least that was what Ash had for analysis…

"Um, Misty, why do I all of the sudden sense that you're contemplating smashing me with that mallet again?"

Misty tried to give a sweet smile. She really did.

Ash saw through the facade and tried to run. He didn't get too far.

"What's this about a 'flatter chest than advertised'? How did you ever come to that decision, Ash, huh? And what's with a 'prototypical tomboy tsundere'?" Each question was accentuated with a swing of that mallet that connected with the poor boy's body. "I am not a tomboy!"

"Does that mean you admit to being a tsundere?"

"ASHHH!"

"OWWWW!"

"Hey, could you guys quiet u~ Why, if it isn't Ashy Boy!"

The two companions looked up, Ash peeking through his arms as he lay on the ground trying to protect his head, and found a young man with a wild hairstyle, followed by a group of girls silently waving pompoms. "Oh great. Gary," groaned the raven-haired boy, dismayed at his luck of running into his "rival" again. He was hoping he'd never have to run into him on his journey, but nooooo, fate just had to make it so that the most narcissistic guy he knew would happen to be on that route. Most likely he'd pompously gone to take on the Pokemon League or something that stupid.

Oddly enough, Gary questioned him on that very subject. "Hey! Ash! You off to the Pokemon League? Forget about it! You probably don't have any badges, do you?"

"Well, Gary, I~"

"Ahem?"

"Gary the Great… I'm actually not interested in the league or the gyms. I'm off to explore the world, meet friends… that dumb adventure stuff."

"Oh? So you're too much of a coward!"

"... Sure, why not? Yes, I'm a coward, Gary. I don't belong in your presence, so if you could allow me to leave…."

Misty, mallet ready to be swung, watched the two's ongoing discussion, curious as to who the new guy was. To be honest, she thought he was kind of cute, and it was obvious that he was fairly confident with the way he carried himself. The two guys there actually had somewhat similar personalities. Well, she would have said that, but Ash was being a lot different than his cocky normal self. No, now he seemed cold and annoyed, two traits she thought she'd never see from the hyperactive pervert. Did this new guy bring out another side of Ash? She would never say this aloud, but she kind of liked his normal attitude around her more than this emotionless husk laying on the ground in front of her. "Ash, care to introduce us?"

Her partner glanced up at her, shrugged, and picked himself off the ground, brushing dust off him. "Misty, this is Gary the Great, my self-proclaimed 'rival' with a cheerleader fetish. He's from my hometown, and we grew up with each other," droned the boy in a deadpan monotone. The other boy, Gary, seemed to have heard up to "the Great" and ignored the rest, seeing as he had no reaction to the two rather rude descriptions of himself.

"And why is he 'the Great'?"

"Because I will become a Pokemon Master!"

"Because he's the grandson of Professor Oak and had everything handed to him on a silver plate."

Again, the young man (who Misty was beginning to realize had maybe too much confidence for her liking, while her opinion for Ash was changing a little bit) ignored the rude (though true) description of his life and spent a few seconds checking out the attractive redhead. "Oi, Ashy-boy, is this your girlfriend?"

Poor Misty's fair skin instantly matched the color of her hair. She tried to sputter out some kind of rebuttal, but it was quickly brushed off by her companion's surprising answer. "No, she's a former Gym Leader who happens to be going the same direction as me."

"Huh. So does that mean she's available."

"I suppose so," shrugged the beginning Trainer.

Gary instantly rounded on the redhead, trying to look as suave as possible. Misty had to admit, he did well in his endeavor; she could see that a lot of girls would fall for this guy. But his behavior with Ash before had completely turned her off to any charms her friend's rival could muster. "Before you say anything, since I don't plan on being in Kanto for much longer, hitting on me would just be a waste of time."

As Gary's jaw dropped at the bluntness of the redhead, Ash's eyebrow shot up. Huh, it looked like the tsundere only acted that way to him. Around other people, she acted kind of snobbish. Maybe first impressions were very influential to her?

Luckily, at that moment, a bunch of cheering was heard out in the distance. It sounded like Gary's followers were trying to catch up to him. Misty offered a curt good-bye and started dragging Ash away, not that the boy was complaining. Any way to avoid that narcissistic prick was alright by him.

After a few minutes, the two stopped, Misty glaring at her partner. Before Ash could ask what her problem was, the redhead shouted out her thoughts, all summed down to one question: "Who is Ash Ketchum?"

"What?"

"Who is Ash Ketchum? Is he the perverted idiot who keeps hitting on me, or is he the pathetic grease stain that allowed that moron back there to walk all over him? Or is he, perchance, the guy who came up with a plan to take down a Gyarados with a Pikachu he had met only hours before? Who~" and the girl got up as close as possible to the flabbergasted teen, "is Ash Ketchum?"

"... If I said 'all of the above,' would you believe it?"

"..."

The raven-haired kid gave a sigh, showing a look Misty had never seen before: tired and bored. For some reason, it seemed the most natural yet. "Look, I've known Gary Oak my entire life. As kids, we both had dreams of becoming a Pokemon Master, and we saw each other as rivals. That started out about ten years ago. But you know what happens when we grow up: we end up getting new goals, become interested in different things. He probably took my changes as some weird betrayal or something.

"Meanwhile, I was back home, starting to realize that my father skipped out on my mother to go on some 'adventure,' leaving behind a son who didn't really have a clue what to do with his life. What with Mom trying her hardest to hide her worry and stress at being a single mother, and a former best friend not growing up, I took refuge in the only person I could - the one girl my age in the entire town. It turned out she was insanely cute, too, which is where I got my perverted streak. When she moved away a few years ago, I still liked girls, and the only attractive woman in my home town is my mother - that's not very healthy. So, I started looking at celebrities, and everyone knows how famous gym leaders are."

That… would explain a lot of Ash's peculiarities. She could guess that Gary's attitude prompted the boy to stay clear of him, and she wondered about the father. She also felt an odd little twinge at the mention of a cute childhood friend… she shook her head to ignore that. Besides, there was one thing he hadn't explained. "And the Gyarados?"

"I'm… good at strategy?" The way he said it, it sounded more like a question, though Misty could understand. He was a new trainer and didn't really know his what he was capable of. Still, it did little to hold back her shock at the boy. Ash Ketchum, in his first battle, had taken on one of the most fearsome Pokemon in all of Kanto, and he had won. Handily, at that. With a beginner Pokemon. In the water specialist's opinion - hell, in anybody's opinion - he had the potential to be a prodigy, as good as Lance or Cynthia. He'd probably be a Champion in his first three years.

And yet he decided to steer clear of all that fame and glory and focus on just fooling around?

Misty didn't believe that for a second.

No, there was something else driving him, urging him on this journey. And she would bet a lot of money that it had something to do with his father's adventure.

She wanted to ask him about that. Ooooh, she wanted to know everything she could about that… but the ex-gym leader knew better. So, she decided to be there for him. Sure, she only knew him for four days, but there was something there just screaming for her to help him as much as possible. Even if she didn't know the real reasons why he wandered around.

She got up and started walking west, waiting for the boy to catch up. She just knew he had a confused look on his face, and she wished she could see it, but this was the best way to get him up. After a few more steps, she heard what she wanted: "Misty, what are you doing?"

"Walking." Oh yeah, she was definitely going to enjoy this.

"... Where?"

"Johto." With a small swirl, she twirled around, her hands behind her back, bending over just a bit. "That's where you wanted to go, right? Well, it just so happens that #9 of your hottest gym leaders is 'going the same direction;' I believe that's how you explained it to that Gary guy. Now, are you going to just sit there and let this Tomboyish Mermaid wait for you?" And she completed her image with a smirk and a flirtatious wink. It was perfect.

Or, she thought it was. Unfortunately, Misty didn't get a reply from her traveling partner for a few minutes. Growing annoyed, and slowly getting a stiff back from bending over so much, the girl started growling out his name, "Ash."

"..."

"Ash!"

"..."

"ASH!"

The boy shook a bit, almost as if he was forced out of a trance. "Oh, hey Misty. Hehe. Sorry about that." Ash chuckled, and that was when the water specialist noticed the lewd grin. Why would he~ oh, nooo. "You bending over like that let me see down your shirt…. Misty?"

Shakily, the girl pulled out her beloved mallet. Yes, the boy would pay dearly for ignoring her when she was giving him a pep-up speech. She immediately disregarded the fact that it technically was her fault for allowing him such a view, and she conveniently forgot that she had been subtly flirting with him. No, in her mind, one thought - and only one - flashed: all perverts must die.

She quite enjoyed his whelps of pain as she battered him into the ground.

* * *

"Hey, Misty."

"..."

"Misty…"

"grrrr."

"Did you just growl at me?"

"..."

"Misty…"

"WHAT?!"

"You ended up admitting you're a tomboy."

"... No, I didn't."

"Huh. So I just imagined hearing you say 'this Tomboyish Mermaid'?"

"... Keep talking, and no one will ever find your body."

"..."

Pikachu silently chuckled at the two. It was just like watching a romantic comedy, only this wasn't on the screen. It was real-life!

Now, if only he could get some ketchup...

* * *

Viridian City PokeCenter

Nurse Joy was having a good day. The stolen Pokemon were feeling safer. The League had come by, updating security systems to ensure nobody tried to attack her clinic again. And there had been no major injuries in the last few days.

And just when she thought things couldn't get any better, her phone went off, letting her know she got a message. Glancing at it, she recognized the name of the trainer who had rescued everyone the other day.

He was also one of the main characters in a blossoming romance she wanted to keep tabs on. She quietly flipped her phone and checked the message, which consisted all of three words: " _One step_ _closer_." With the message came a picture, proof of the young trainer's progress. In it, a cute redheaded girl was winking, and if that smirk meant anything, then it was obviously flirtatious.

The nurse chuckled at the audacity the boy had. How had he managed to take this picture without the girl knowing? And if this was a sign to come, then asking him to keep her updated was one of her best ideas yet. This was sure to be quite the fun little love story.

"Hey, is my Spearow ready yet?" The nurse frowned at the annoying voice. Some cocky little moron had walked in, acting like he owned the place, accompanied with the loud cheering of a smattering of fangirls. This was a hospital! This wasn't the place for yelling and cheering!

Luckily, the Tiny Bird Pokemon had the least priority, so she would take her time with it. A long, long time. Perhaps the bill will teach the brat patience.

* * *

Hall of Origins

"WHAT! What do you mean the Legendary Beasts aren't willing to help?!"

A responsible-looking majestic phoenix gave a bored shrug. "Well, Lord Arceus, the Beasts are preparing for their respective parts in the trials of the Chosen One."

"That's still over a year away! And two of them don't even have any roles in the upcoming disasters!"

"Entei would beg to differ."

"But it's not even his role! It's a copy of the Pokemon!" Arceus would have rubbed his forehead in annoyance if his forepaw could have reached. "And what about Raikou?"

"Well, Raikou has that deal with those three trainers - you know, that love triangle with the two guys and the girl with a fetish for capes."

"You mean the side-along story that doesn't make a difference in the long run? It's just used to introduce the third member, since for some reason Ash and co. just ignored him?"

"Exactly."

"Well, tell him that that story is being axed. He's going to head off the Chosen One."

"... You're just going to ignore those three trainers?"

"Well, it's not like they really do anything to the plot."

"Actually, the one guy who goes out of his way to impress the girl battled Ash to get into the Silver Conference."

"Did he really? Huh, I didn't think he would go very far." The God Pokemon frowned. Sometimes humans went beyond their potential, a fact that always astounded him. Too bad Ash Ketchum always got himself killed or reverted back to being an idiot before he got anywhere near his limit. "Well, since our Chosen One doesn't have any interest in badges at the moment, that doesn't really matter. Get Raikou out there, or everything will end up ruined."

"Yes sir." With that, Ho-oh flew out of the throne room. Knowing how distrustful the Thunder Pokemon was around humans, the Rainbow Pokemon figured he'd sooner attack and kill the trainer than calmly send Ash Ketchum back to Kanto. Entei may have been a better choice. But what the God Pokemon wants, the God Pokemon gets. So Raikou it was. And the closer to New Bark Town, where new trainers started, the better.

But why did Ho-oh have that nagging feeling that Ash Ketchum would completely ignore common sense again?


	4. Chapter 4

"Hitmontop, Triple Kick!"

"Jynx, throw up a Reflect, quick!"

A brown and purple blur bounced off an invisible wall, only to spin back and smack the barrier again. With each impact, a grotesque shape that barely resembled a woman grimaced in pain but was able to hold up under the assault. As if on impulse, the female-esque Pokemon quickly followed up with a kiss that was horrifying to anybody watching… well, anyone, that is, but a certain fan girl.

"Oh, wow! Lorelei is such an amazing trainer! That grace! That power! T~"

"Those boobs."

"Ash! You're in the presence of Pokemon royalty, and you're only focused on her chest!?"

"Says the girl who nearly had an orgasm when she first saw her. And would you quit smashing me in the back of the head with that mallet!"

Yes, though the famous member of the Elite Four was unaware, two young trainers were busy spying on her battle with a large tan man who conveniently forgot to put a shirt on. The fiery redhead amongst the two, despite a preference for slighter forms, would have had trouble focusing on the battle had Ash not called her out on hypocrisy. No, after that, she made sure to not even glance in the well-muscled man.

Then again, even though Ash had teased his teammate for staring at another trainer, he never even paused to consider not leering at the bare-chested man's opponent.

Still, the young man was keeping an eye on the battle. It truly was one worthy of the Elite Four - both trainer's Pokemon were at the peak of performance, and neither was willing to let their trainers down. Unfortunately, it seemed quite obvious who was going to win this battle. Despite the type advantage Lorelei's Pokemon boasted, there was little she could do against the frenzied onslaught behind Hitmontop's spinning legs.

Of course, that would be expected, considering her foe was also an Elite Four member, one whose speciality was super effective against her. And Jynx, even with her Psychic powers augmenting her special attack, still didn't have enough defense to overcome a Fighting type's brute strength, one trained expressly by Bruno.

"Jynx, use Ice Beam on the ground, NOW!"

Wincing at the pain the weird spinning blur kept inflicting upon her, the blob-trying-to-pass-itself-off-as-a-woman rose her hand in the air, cocooning it in a bright, bluish white light. With practised coordination, the Human Shape Pokemon aimed the light at the ground, encasing it in a thin sheet of ice. Gradually the ice began to spread, covering the small clearing in a frosted ice path and shrinking the available ground that had allowed the Handstand Pokemon to spin.

For a moment Hitmontop looked worried, unsure what to do. But then~ "Hitmontop, Dig."

Just as the last stretch of ground was about to freeze over, the upside-down Pokemon spun in place, quickly burying itself.

And the only stretch of ground left lay beneath Jynx's feet.

"Jynx, use Ice Beam under you, quic~"

But it was too late. The ground quickly caved in around the Human Shape Pokemon, and out popped the spinning top, pounding his feet and tail into his opponent.

"Pursuit."

With one leg enveloped in a dark, purplish glow, the Fighting Pokemon gave the finishing blow, striking his Ice counterpart hard in the side. With a sorrowful sigh, the redheaded trainer recalled her fainted Jynx, conceding the defeat.

But neither of the two spying on her took that into consideration.

"Isn't she amazing, Ash? All of that poise and precision!"

"Are those things real? I wonder what they feel lik~ OWWW!"

"Would you stop perving around and admire her skill as a trainer!?"

"Oww! Wait! Stop swin~ That's definitely a scary area to swing at, Misty! I'd prefer to give my mother grandchildren in the future! Wait, Misty! Aaaah!"

With a last ditch attempt to avoid having his balls crushed by his redheaded friend's almighty mallet, Ash dove out into the clearing, right into the view of the two powerful trainers.

"... Oh dear. It looks like we were spied upon, Bruno."

"Crap. Is this another idiot who wants 'training' from me? Then again, I could use more water…"

Unfortunately, no one could here the last ramblings of the powerfully built trainer over the shrieks of a certain Water Pokemon specialist.

"Oh my Arceus, it really is her! I'm really talking to Lorelei! What should I say?!"

"Misty, quit ~ow~ swinging that freak~ ow ~ing mallet around ~ow! You keep hitting ~ ARGH! My node!"

"... Bruno, that girl just smacked that poor boy in the face with a hammer."

"Yes, and it seems like it's a regular occurrence. Great, and here I thought I could enjoy a relaxing time, with a little light training on the side. Hitmontop, return." The humanesque spinning top dissolved into a beam of light, signifying the end of the battle. "You two… how can we help you? A battle? Training? Because if it's the latter, there's an axe over there that you can start chopping wood with."

That got the two youngsters to stop. Ash pinched his nose, trying to stem the tide of blood, while Misty was actively trying to look anywhere but the older man. Those muscles were just too tempting to stare at. "Ah, Bruno~ Lorelei~ ah ha. Well, we were just passing by… hehe…"

"You know, saying it like that will make them think that that's just an excuse," chortled her somehow already healed male companion, much to her ire (whether it was due to his well-reasoned comment or the fact that he wasn't bleeding anymore was left unsaid). Ash ignored the large twitch that had sprouted up on her face in favor of actually introducing himself. "Hello! I'm Ash from Pallet Town, and this here's Misty - she used to be one of the gym leaders in the Cerulean City Gym but decided to head out on an adventure. Even though it may seem suspicious, we really are just passing through here. But it's not often someone spots Lorelei out in the middle of nowhere, so her fan just had to stop and watch her." He left it ambiguous which one was the fan - best to not admit he's a blatant pervert in front of the woman of many a Pokemon trainer's wet dreams. And judging by Misty's hyperventilating early on, that went for both men and women.

Fortunately, when it came to not battling, Lorelei turned out to be completely airheaded. Ash privately wondered how perverted he could act around her without her trying to freeze him with the not-quite-a-woman Pokemon that was still out. He was almost willing to test it, but it seemed like the Jynx wasn't as clueless as her Master, given how she was busy trying to kill the Fighting Master for staring at Lorelei's ass. The rookie almost teared up - at long last, a fellow compatriot!

A growl from his side told him that he wasn't the only one to notice the lecherous actions of an Elite Four member. Ash was secretly pleased Misty was focusing as much killing intent on Bruno as possible - he was a much bigger man than the trainer from Pallet, and probably took a lot of the heat off of him.

Throughout all this contemplation, the redhaired Elite Four member continued jabbering away about how beautiful the day was, or something along those lines.

"Now, children, what Pokemon do you have? Perhaps I may give some tips on how to train them. Teaching is a favorite hobby of mine, after all."

"Oh? Well, Misty here would probably love some help - she is a Water-type specialist, and I know quite a few Ice-types also happen to have a Water typing as well." That last bit appeased the hot-blooded girl, who had perked up and began handling her mallet a little dangerously when he had accidentally implied her lack of skill. "As for me, I've just got Pikachu right now." The electric mouse enthusiastically spoke up from the young man's shoulder. It was actually a wonder how easily the young man carried the mouse - continually holding up fifteen pounds was quite the impressive achievement.

Unfortunately, that little noteworthy news wasn't what surprised the two Elite Four the most.

"Wait. You're telling me that you're walking on Victory Road with nothing more than a Pikachu?"

"Err, yes…" Ash answered the older - and probably three times as big - man hesitantly. "Is that bad?"

"This path is only for the strongest. Many Pokemon have grown powerful here in the wild, so much so that only the bravest trainers can hope to tame them," replied Lorelei airily.

"Yeah, well, I've got a friend to meet in Olivine City, and since I'm from Pallet…"

That was news to Misty. "You do?" The former gym leader wondered curiously if this was the friend he had mentioned before. If so, then things could get a little complicated. She was starting to enjoy her perverted friend's company - he provided an excellent valve to release stress.

"Oh, didn't I tell you? Odd. I could've sworn mentioning it once."

"I thought you were heading to Johto because we saw Ho-Oh on your first day!"

"Yeah, about that… well, it's not like I didn't want to see that phoenix again!"

"Wait! Kid, did you say you saw Ho-Oh?" Again, the two Elite Four members seemed shocked, as well they were - not many could claim spotting a legendary Pokemon, especially one who still only had one Pokemon.

"Er, yeah. It was totally random - one minute, there was a storm, and then the next, Ho-Oh was flying over a rainbow and heading west."

"It's true. I'm hoping that this means the idiot here is some of Legendary Pokemon magnet, so maybe sometime I meet Suicune!"

"... You didn't have to call me an idiot."

"You know, we've been around for awhile, and we've yet to see a Legendary. Specifically not one that supposedly promises eternal happiness to whoever sees it," offered the giant man, still in awe at the two kids' luck.

"Eternal happiness?" Misty glanced at the youth next to her and quickly blushed a bright red, though it went unnoticed to the other three. Ash was trying to figure out why he of all people got to see something so special, while the two adults were glaring jealously at the raven-haired boy. After all, with years of experience in almost all things Pokemon-related, one would think there was a tiny chance that they had come across some form of a Legendary.

Their awkward silence was broken by Lorelei. "Bruno, I believe it is prudent to help these two young wanderers on their road through life."

Misty and Ash both didn't have a clue what the older woman was talking about, but thankfully Bruno had been perving on her for years and had now been accustomed to his fellow elite's odd behavior. "Right. I guess I'll take the boy, since you've got something in common with the girl." Without another word, he grabbed the young man, threw him over his shoulder, and jumped … completely out of the clearing, much to Misty's amazement. She would have stood there, trying to figure out how a human could do that, but her self-proclaimed mentor had already started off spouting out her secrets, and the fangirl realized she needed to take notes. This was a chance of a lifetime, and she was not going to miss it.

* * *

"So, kid, why are you on a journey?"

The question - which, now that Ash thought about it, could have been asked _before_ Bruno did his best impression of an Infernape - was left unanswered as the young man kept kissing the ground, grateful that he wasn't dead yet.

"Ah, quit your moping. You got your wish; I'm actually going to train ya."

That got Ash out of his funk. "Wait, training? Who said anything about training?"

"What do you mean? Why else would you be spying on two Elite Four, even if you ran into them accidentally like you say?"

"Er… well, as impressive as your fight was, I wasn't really paying that much attention to it, to be honest."

"You weren't…" The older man grew suspicious and eyed the younger man, trying to figure out what Ash's purpose was. He looked at all the facts he had about the kid: he traveled with a girl who, while still pretty young, had a lot of potential. In fact, if it wasn't for her behavior, he would have thought the girl was a younger Lorelei… "You were checking out my teammate, weren't you?"

"Errr... "

"Hahaha! To think, I'd meet a fellow admirer out in the middle of nowhere!" The man laughed out loud, much to Ash's discomfort. There hadn't really been a man in his life who shared his same interests. It was kind of hard to find someone like that when the only attractive woman in his hometown was his own mother. There had been a number of times some idiots had made an offhand joke about her, only to find themselves in some deep shit sometime later, with a small note reminding them of their mistake. After a few of these disasters, everyone had figured it out: Ash's mother was too amazing to be relegated to such inappropriate jokes. So, to meet someone who wasn't making perverted cracks at the one constant in his life was definitely different. "So, what was it that you liked most? Was it her hair? Or maybe that nice round butt?"

"Err… more like her chest…"

"Ah, a boob man? Well, I can understand that - Lorelei has one helluva rack. But you liking boobs doesn't seem to make sense, since that girlfriend of yours doesn't seem to have much of a bust."

It was true. After Ash had forced her into that bikini, it seemed as if the Tomboyish Mermaid had given up on her chest and chose to stop stuffing her bras. Perhaps she thought it would curb the rookie's perverted comments. "Hey! Misty might not have the biggest of breasts, but she makes up for it in shape!"

"Really? I couldn't tell much, what with her clothes."

"Ha! Take a look at this!" And with much gusto, Ash pulled out his Pokedex, turning it on to show a bikini-clad Misty as his background. Of course, said girl had no clue that the rookie's fascination with her body had progressed to such horrible levels - if she were to find out, Ash was sure the very expensive digital encyclopedia Professor Oak had given him would be left in a mottled heap, somehow set aflame by the Water specialist.

"Well, I must say, that little girl hides quite the figure. You wouldn't think that, since her clothes seem pretty small."

"That's because the eyes automatically focus on the suspenders. If it weren't for the fact that she gets jealous whenever somebody mentions how hot her sisters are, I would say it was on purpose to hide her figure, as crazy as that may seem. Maybe that is the case, only on a subconscious level."

"Hmmm… I could potentially see that. It would also explain why she seems so violent."

"Yeah, she usually tries to bash me over the head if I'm checking out other girls. But if I'm checking out her, she becomes a complete tsundere - so embarrassed that I notice her, that she decides using that mallet is the best way to vent her feelings." Granted, there were a few times where he completely deserved his beating. Ash knew full well that his punishment for groping her butt that one time was more than just.

"So, you're with a girl that wants to be noticed but doesn't know how to react when she is, whereas I'm with a woman that is so oblivious, her Pokemon are the ones that are forced to stop me."

"At, that's right. That Jynx was busy trying to turn you into a popsicle."

"Hehe, you saw that, huh? That wasn't the worst that has happened. One time her Lapras literally tried to Body Slam me."

"Wait, aren't those things like 450 pounds?"

"Right. I'm not sure how the hell it lifted itself that much, but seeing a monster that big flying through the air is one of the most terrifying things I've ever experienced."

"And Lorelei still doesn't know that her Pokemon try to commit murder whenever she's not looking?"

"Lorelei is so unaware, I'm sure if her Pokemon actually got the job done, she wouldn't notice until I was missing at a team meeting. Isn't she amazing?"

Ash seriously wondered what was wrong with the old man if he found that "amazing." At least Misty acknowledged the fact that her traveling partner thought she was hot. Her Mallet of Tsundere may have been unwelcome, but it was a good deal better than being completely ignored. "Er, that's great, sir, but what does this all have to do with training?"

"Hmm? Well, if you want to win a lady's heart, you've got to show her how strong you are!"

"Aren't you one of the two foremost experts in the Fighting-type, and yet the girl of your wet dreams still hasn't realized you want her?"

"Th~That's beside the point!" The young trainer nearly face-faulted at Bruno's embarrassed stutter. If this guy was seriously a member of the Elite Four, then it spoke volumes on how pathetic the world's trainers were. Not in terms of skill, of course - Ash was fairly certain almost any Pokemon the Fighting Master sent out against his start would turn Pikachu into a yellow grease stain. "Ahem, anyways, like I said, to get the girl, get stronger. And you won't get much stronger if you don't get more Pokemon than that chubby Pikachu."

The electric Pokemon gave the powerful trainer a little piece of his mind via Thundershock. Ash waited patiently until the electric attack died before he started to rub the little tyke's pointy ears, calming him down. "That's great advice, sir," he drawled. "I just haven't spotted a Pokemon that has perked my interest."

Bruno shook off the surprisingly powerful little shock and broke out into a grin. "So you want an interesting Pokemon, eh?" Bruno pulled out a single Pokeball, much to Ash's surprise. "You're going to want to see this one, then."

* * *

"Now Misty, reveal to me the secrets of your partners."

The young woman was, naturally, completely unsure of what to say to such an odd request. Secrets of her partner? Did her idol mean Ash? Wait, p~partners?! No, no definitely not! There was no way anything would ever happen between her and that pervert! Sure, he might have saved her from a hungry sea monster like some dashing hero, with his windswept hair and those kind, brown eyes that were always brimming with excitement, and… Where was she again? Oh yeah! Nothing would ever happen with the idiot! And even if something were to happen between the two (Hah! That's a good one!), that question was incredibly inappropriate and privat~

Or she might have asked about her "partners," as in the plural. Then, did she mean Misty's team? … Yeah, chances were the rather unique woman never even registered Ash was there. "Er, you want to know about my Pokemon?"

"Your Pokemon are more than just Pokemon - they are fellow travelers who have chosen you, just as you have chosen them."

O~kay, Misty was really starting to wonder if she should have idolized this Master. And the older woman's words were ironic, considering two of the members on her team were complete accidents. Both times she had been hoping to catch a far superior Water-type, and both times she ended up with a Pokemon that could compete with Ash in terms of intelligence quotient. Then again, maybe she was being harsh - her friend had only lust on the mind, so maybe Psyduck and Slowpoke were actually a bit smarter.

Speaking of which, she was fairly certain Lorelei had a Slowbro that was quite the powerhouse. Maybe she should try asking for some tips on training her Slowpoke. From what she heard, the Dopey Pokemon actually had multiple avenues of evolution - she should have figured it was stupid enough to not have a single chain. What other Pokemon would be dumb enough to open a Pokeball by itself?

Well, that wasn't as bad as jumping in to say hi during a battle. Damn Psyduck.

Feeling like she was going to regret it later, Misty pulled out three balls. Her mentor was still a Master, even if she seemed so out of it. Oh, trying to decipher what the hell Lorelei was going to say would probable give her a headache later. Best to get this over with and see if she can anything out of it.

"Hmmm… so a Slowpoke, a Psyduck, and a Staryu?"

"I also have a Goldeen, but since we're not around any water…"

"No, no, it's imperative to fully consider each and every one of your partner's auras. Goldeen would undoubtedly flounder without the depths of a cool pool, much how we flounder on our paths through life. These beautiful creations of Lord Arceus have it easier than us, though - unlike them, who receive the guidance of our intellect, we wander aimlessly, …"

"... Yeah…" Misty would just chalk that up to simply being "Goldeen would be a fish out of water." Why the Ice master couldn't say something as simple as that was a question better left unsaid. Though she again found something ironic from her former idol's words - the woman seemed completely lost with her own words.

After a few more minutes of … unorthodox enlightenment (Misty couldn't believe that Lorelei basically admitted that her words were being pulled from her ass), the Elite Four member finally got back on topic… which the Tomboy Mermaid had almost forgotten. "From the auras these Pokemon exude, it seems like their undying loyalty is bent to you," continued Lorelei, unconcerned with her chosen apprentice's lack of comprehension. "Once you enjoy the meeting of the mind with your partners, then you can become strong."

… Meeting of the minds? Slowpoke and Psyduck had no minds. How was she supposed to get to know them if they were practically brainless? Misty wanted so badly to ask this, but it would probably lead to another monologue from Lorelei that would be hard to follow. So, it was best to take what the Ice-type Master said and get a broader understanding in as few words as possible. Which probably meant asking yes-and-no questions, rather than the hows and whys. "So, Slowpoke likes me?" Ah, good, Lorelei answered with a simple nod. This could actually work. "And he wants to help me as I work on becoming a Master of the Water-type?" Another nod. "And when I work more with him, we can achieve a 'meeting of our minds'?" Lorelei gave another nod, which Misty supposed was cheerful, despite the cold and unemotional face. "Ho~" Oh no! Misty tried to shut up before her former idol could catch on, but it was too late.

"Slowpoke is like a glacier - he trudges forward, in both mind and spirit, ever so slowly, but his potential lies behind the sheer cliffs. As he inches ever closer to the bottom of the great mountain, ..."

Misty silently groaned, fearful at how long it was going to take to stop comparing the Dopey Pokemon to a giant slab of ice. And that was the first of her Pokemon. Chances were, Lorelei was going to drone on for the next three hours. The former gym leader settled down in the cool grass, idly wondering how she would remember anything being said. Perhaps it was best to take notes? Her mentor may have quite the weird teaching methods, but there was bound to be a nugget or two of wisdom that the girl could actually understand.

* * *

"Err, what is it?"

"That, my fellow pervert-in-arms, is the secret to why I'm still alive."

"A weird blue creature with a doubly weird-shaped head?" The capped trainer questioned, privately filing away Bruno's admittance of being a pervert for later.

"Meditite, or that 'weird blue creature' as you so foolishly call it, has allowed me to escape Lorelei's Pokemons' wrath for years."

"... You're kidding."

"Hey, believe me, kid, I've had to run away from them a lot. Most of those escapes entailed Ice Shards being flung at me or icicles the length of me being dropped from nowhere in the middle of summer. And that's just the physical attacks. I'm pretty sure her sadistic Slowbro had tried to mindrape me into insanity once or twice. I think it was a combination of Disable and Psychic, and that was _after_ he had Mega Punched me in the crotch, only to use Heal Plus to make sure I wouldn't show bruising. That beatdown on both my mentality and my potential for posterity forced me to make Lorelei never let that hermit crab out around me again." A slower shudder ran down his back at those less-than-pleasant memories.

Sadly for him, Ash felt little sympathy. "That's what you get for being a shameless pervert."

"Says the brat with a girl in nothing but a skimpy bikini as a background."

"You're only jealous that I got my redhead to do that."

Bruno seriously had no comeback. He would absolutely love to see Lorelei in a bikini, but her speciality meant she wore diving suits that kept in all the warmth she could muster. He could only be grateful that the suit was so form fitting; it left little to the imagination. "Anyways, this little guy here can protect you from any harm."

"How? He's just some tiny little fighter whose arms combined are barely wider than my fist."

" _You know, I am right here. I don't need you to insult my lack of muscle definition while not even considering I can hear you."_

"Huh? Who's that?"

" _Hello, moron! Down here!"_

"Huh? Where?"

" _The weird blue creature with the doubly weird-shaped head, as you so elegantly described._ "

Ash turned to the Meditite, who lazily lifted up his hand in a salute-like greeting before dropping it down again, obviously annoyed.

"... It talked."

" _Oh, aren't you the genius?_ "

"How can it talk? I don't think his mouth moved at all!"

"Well, that's the thing, kid. Meditite here doesn't need to physically talk. Thanks to its Ability, Meditite here can communicate via Telepathy."

"... You mean he can read minds?"

"Basically."

"Wait, isn't that mostly a Psychic Hidden Ability? You're a Fighting-type Master."

" _Well, moron, I guess I must be part Psychic."_

Ash stared blankly at the bipedal Pokemon, still sitting as if it was meditating. "He's not the most friendly little guy out there, is he?"

"Hahaha. No, Meditite here calls them like he sees them, and usually it's not in a positive light."

"Yeah, probably has a case of the Napolean complex…"

" _Once again with the size cracks. You know, you should be a comedian,"_ Meditite replied, impressing Ash with his ability to convey sarcasm through thought.

"Anyways, like you managed to figure out, this meditating Pokemon can read minds… but only those from allies. It's mostly used in tandem during a double or triple battle, but I've discovered it can also be used people you consider a friend, and that often trickles down to their Pokemon as well."

"That… seems pretty OP. I mean, couldn't you just call everybody your friend and thus never be attacked?"

"Well, that's in the case of battle. Usually I have this little guy in his Pokeball when that's the case."

"Why?"

" _Because my idiot Master thinks there still should be fair play. He considers it cheating if I forewarn him of what the enemy is planning to do._ "

"Yet despite that," cut in Bruno, eager to avoid anymore bashing from his Pokemon. "I have used him to keep an eye on my friend Lorelei's Pokemon."

" _Mostly because the idiot's a coward who won't actually try anything with the female."_

"Hey! Shouldn't you try to at least treat your trainer with some respect?"

" _Says the idiot who uses his Pokemon to ward off anybody disturbing his Peeping Tom time. Besides, you're giving me up. Obviously any respect means nothing now._ "

"Ungrateful brat," grumbled the top trainer, ignoring his new protege's laughter. "Anyways, kid, he's yours."

"... Wait, what?"

"He's yours. I see a ton of potential in you to fulfill my dream, and I don't want it wasted by one too many strikes to the head."

"Er…" Ash wasn't sure what to say. On the one hand, he was incredibly grateful someone on the level of an Elite Four trainer was willing to even offer a Pokemon to him… but he was also fairly certain, should Misty figure it out, her attempts on his life would grow even more dangerous. So far he was just grateful for having a thick skull; his body, on the other hand, was fairly squishy. Not fat, but easy to poke holes in. He didn't want her to start using that Staryu's Swift on him. "Hold on for a minute - your dream? What the hell is your dream?"

"To be with the one I love…" Ash gagged when he saw hearts in the eyes of his mentor. "From the moment I saw Lorelei, I knew that I wanted to be with her!"

"In bed," muttered the rookie trainer, but the older man paid little attention.

"For years, I have wavered, unable to find my courage to confess to that Ice Goddess my love!"

"Or lust."

"But alas," continued Bruno, unheeding his so-called apprentice's lack of respect, "I know that I have fallen into the bottomless pit known simply as the 'friend-zone.'"

"You actually know that term? Huh, thought you were too old for it."

"The point is," and this time, Ash could tell he was getting to the Fighting Master, "you still have a chance to avoid that wasteland and instead enjoy the paradise of your true love's heart!"

"... I thought you were just a pervert." The older man face-faulted faster than the rookie trainer could have ever thought.

"Urgh. I'll have you know, brat, that love needs to have a little lust in order to be effective."

"Meditite mentioned something about Peeping Tom time."

Now, when it came to martial arts, patience and longsuffering were two values that were instilled within any practitioner. To be able to wait on the incoming attack and the weather the beating were prized attributes, and Bruno was proud to say that he had trained himself to the highest possible level. He was the Fighting Master in Kanto, after all - it was expected of him to do even this.

But in all of his years of backbreaking and migraine-inducing training, he had yet to come across a natural disaster named Ash Ketchum. The young man from Pallet was famed in his hometown for being ever so quick to bring people down to his level - indeed, the only person who had managed to overcome his humbling tendencies was the incredibly arrogant Gary Oak, and most citizens of the humble town by the sea all agreed that that boy's head was way too far in the clouds, where Hurricane Ash couldn't reach. To tell the truth, they were somewhat envious about that. Apart from him, Hurricane Ash had always broken past the levees and made arrogant grown men leak tears of shame.

And once again, the dreaded storm had struck, only this time a member of the Elite Four fell victim.

"Please," wheezed the man who had collapsed into tears, grasping the arms of the young trainer. "I'm begging you! Please keep that between you and me! Even with Meditite telling me when the attacks are coming, I doubt I'll be able to survive those monsters of Lorelei."

"I don't know…"

"I'll… I'll give you Meditite!"

"You were already going to give him to me."

"I'll just keep him if it means keeping you quiet!"

"Then I guess getting mindraped by a giant hermit crab/otter thing while being squashed by a legitimate sea monster lies in your future…"

"Fine! You can have Meditite!" Those tears had now developed into a full on waterworks. Ash was beginning to wonder if the old fool would soon suffer from dehydration. "I thought you were a pervert like me!"

"Ah, there's a difference between me and you. You see, I'm an opportunist. I'm not the type of guy who scales walls to peek on girls in some hot springs, nor would I go out of my way to look up skirts, unlike a certain Peeping Tom. But, say, if a girl offers a trade, or by chance trips and falls on top of me… well, I'm a hot-blooded teenaged boy."

"So, that bikini picture~"

"~was for letting her use a Pikachu in a battle with a wild Poliwhirl, I believe. In the end, I won that trade marvelously - I got pics of her in that sexy red bikini, and she ended up with a Psyduck."

Ash smirked as the gigantic man blinked once, and then erupted in another flood of tears, bawling harder than ever. Murmurs of "why not me?" and "damn youth" reached his ears, and he couldn't help but smile an evil grin. Now, what would Bruno have to do to buy his silence?

* * *

"... and thus you two will become entwined with fate, rising ever higher on the wings of victory…"

Five hours. Five nonstop hours of listening to her idol continue to drone on and on in that calm monotone. All with an overabundance of flowery words that would take a few minutes to figure out. Misty didn't even know anyone could say flowery words in such a monotone!

All told, it was a miracle that she even picked up a subtle hint or two on how to train her Pokemon. She had known that Slowpoke could either evolve into a Slowking or a Slowbro, but what surprised her was the recent discovery of Mega Evolution for the latter. Supposedly it became a physical defense juggernaut, aided by being immune to any critical hits. It was definitely tempting, especially since Misty didn't really have a tank on her team. Too bad, from how she interpreted from Lorelei's words, Mega Slowbro was really quite dumb looking - it's shell on its tail somehow enveloped the otter-like creature, with it's tail poking out from the bottom. Just the visual image made the redheaded teenager frown - hey, she was related to the

Sensational Sisters, and she did prefer her Pokemon to be aesthetically pleasant to the eye.

She couldn't get much more on Staryu or Psyduck, other than the potential of having a can't-miss attack for both. While Staryu naturally learned Swift, Psyduck could learn it from an old technical machine that wasn't really in use anymore. Lorelei seemed to think she had it somewhere at her place; if she found it, she'd be sure to send it over to Misty. If she couldn't, then there was another move, similar to Swift, that the duck could learn: Aerial Ace. The Water-type specialist privately figured she'd make her floundering yellow headache learn the Flying-type move and hold on to the TM for a different Pokemon in the future. And if it didn't work, oh well; it was a collector's item, as well as from her idol. She could easily just keep it as a trinket.

Thinking back on that, Misty wondered how all that could have taken five hours to explain. In all honesty, it could have taken five minutes. Perhaps this was the reason why seminars with the Ice Queen involved mostly watching her battle and other visual lessons rather than actual lectures.

"Oh, time has passed us just as the wind sweeps through a field, carrying the leaves of autumn to the rests of winter."

"Er… yeah, we've been here for awhile."

"I pray, Misty, that my words touched your heart and brought you closer to a meeting of the mind with your life partners." Said life partners were busy taking naps, snot bubbles inflating and deflating at a constant pace. Even Staryu was visibly in the land of dreams, and the starfish didn't even have a face.

Was it wrong for the former gym leader to envy her Pokemon at that moment?

"It seems like our companions on the road of adventure have also found their way back to us as well." Now Misty was seriously angry. Ash and Bruno were sitting a few feet off, each looking fairly comfortable leaning back on a tree, dozing in the afternoon sun. Had she been the only one to make it through five hours of that torture?!

"Hey Ash! Wake up!"

"Hmmm?" The boy blinked rapidly, smacking his lips in an effort to rise from his slumber. "Ah, Misty, I just had the most awesome dream of you. You were lying on a bed in some blue linger~" Suddenly Ash stopped, fully aware that he probably shouldn't have told the girl of some naughty dreams what those dreams were about.

Especially when that girl never really appreciated depravity in the first place.

"... Ash…" Yep. That was definitely a bad idea.

"Well, you see, I can't control my dreams, and… Wait, Misty, when did you bring out your Mallet of Tsunde~ Dammit!" By this time, all weariness from just being woken up had left the rookie trainer, replaced with survival instincts and primal fear of a giant red hammer laying waste to his life.

There was good reason to. "I'm not a TSUNDERE!"

"Aaahh!" Ash dove away just in time. The tree that he had leaned on learned the hard way what being on the business end of that mallet meant. "Why are you trying to kill me?!"

"Because~" Misty swung down, barely missing from crushing her traveling partner's leg. "~Perverts~" Ash's head was almost taken off by a mighty swing. "~Must~" A roll saved the rookie's back from major spinal damage. "DIEEEEE!" The Tomboy Mermaid missed again, her eye never keeping off as her traveling companion leapt to avoid a crushing blow on his posterity before he took off down the road, a raging redhead hot on his heals.

Their abrupt departure left two elite trainers blinking. Well, one of them, anyways. The other just blankly looked at the horizon, as if she was ready to enjoy a sunset. It might have made a charming scene… if she wasn't looking east. Towards Kanto. Where there was really nothing but trees for the next several miles. And in the direction where the sun rose in the morning…

It was four o'clock in the afternoon.

Lorelei, as Misty had found out to her dismay, was … different.

Her fellow Elite Four member gazed in the opposite direction, watching the two young trainers run along on whatever adventure laid before them. He idly noted that they were heading to Mt. Silver, which was probably a bit beyond their skill level… but shrugged it off. Bruno had faith in his apprentice, and knew that the boy could look out for himself. Plus, there was a chance he could protect the redhead a little more, allowing that love that neither of them were yet aware of to further grow. Yes, those two would come away from the mountain closer than ever.

… But if they grew closer, then the student would surpass the teacher! He could not let that happen!

Steeling himself to be strong - to be a true man! - the bare-chested middle-aged master trainer coughed gently to get his beloved's attention and, without delay, spoke the words that had been lodged deep within his heart. For five minutes, he poured out his feelings, desperate for the Ice Queen to feel the warmth of his undying love!

"... I just have to know, Lorelei," Bruno begged, gracefully (or as gracefully as a jacked-up behemoth could, which was remarkably quite well) turning on the spot, "if you can accept these feel~ Lorelei? Lorelei? You... You must be joking… I've… I've been here alone this entire time?"

* * *

"How~ did~ you~ dodge~ every~ single~ time?"

"I~ don't~ know~ what~ you're~ talking~ about…"

"That's~ what~ you~ said~ about~ P~Pikachu!"

"Oh shit!" Ash dove again, barely out of reach of the accursed hammer. His efforts resulted in a dull thud as his traveling partner sank to the ground exhausted, leaving the trainer from Pallet Town the last one standing. "Damn, girl, you really~ know~ how to go~ all out!"

"I~ will~ make~ you~ pay~ for~ this,~ pervert."

The boy in the hat gasped in mountain air, trying to calm his heaving lungs and pounding heart. Frankly, it had been a surprise that both of them had lasted this long. Misty had woken the boy up over an hour ago, and this was really the first time they'd been able to stop for a breather. An intent to kill and a will to survive were really incredible things. He was just happy that his stubbornness just barely outpaced the water trainer's desire for justice.

After a few more minutes of both teenagers sucking as much oxygen as they could, and with the Tomboy Mermaid sufficiently calm enough to not continue with her holy crusade against lewd men (specifically a complex young man who she knew hid behind a goofy mask), Ash broached the topic on what Misty had learned from her idol. Seeing his cute companion grimace, the rookie trainer quickly realized that the former gym leader wasn't quite as enamoured with the Ice-type master as she previously was. Of course, since almost the entire time he spent with Bruno consisted of various flight strategies should his forwardness be found unsavoury (contributed solely by the Goliath), Ash knew full well that, while the Elite Four may have unparalleled skill when it came to battling, social skills rarely spiked above zero. Either they were braindead hippies who spoke in riddles or unrepentant perverts with slight masochistic tendencies. He could just imagine Agatha being insane enough to douse him in salt and garlic, while Lance would go and make everybody bow before his greatness, just like a certain "rival" of the Pallet boy.

And that was what awaited anybody who took on eight gyms, battled their way through the Pokemon League, and "earned" the "privilege" of meeting these horrible human beings. Ash privately praised Arceus for whatever guidance the Pokemon God provided in avoiding the Pokemon Tournament circuit altogether. Those master trainers would have given him a daily migraine.

The boy listened as the girl Bruno was certain he was in love with explained how her Slowpoke could potentially Mega-evolve down the line, but when she described how a Mega-Slowbro supposedly looked, Ash had to agree that that image was horrifying. He practically promised the redhead that he would find her a King Stone if it meant avoiding such an embarrassing Pokemon. What was Arceus thinking by creating that abomination?

Huh, from praising Arceus to bashing him in roughly five minutes. The rookie actually felt somewhat bad for the Alpha Pokemon if that's what the god had to suffer through all the time.

* * *

Hall of Origins

"... That's strange. I could have sworn I was annoyed with my Chosen One just minutes ago, but now I feel oddly grateful for him. I wonder why," mused the Alpha Pokemon himself. Considering the daily headache Ash gave him that was not unlike the one the rookie from Pallet Town imagined when dealing with the Elite Four, it was a relief, to say the least.

"Yo, God, I have a complaint!" Ah, relieving feeling gone. Back to business, and this time dealing with a certain yellow Legendary that no one was quite sure whether it was a dog or a cat.

"What is it, Raikou? I trust Ho-oh informed you of your mission."

"That's my complaint, God. Why do I have to be the one that deals with all of that shit?"

"... I would have thought being the head god would've given me some respect around here, but I guess that's too much to ask for." Arceus sighed, really getting tired of everyone's complaining, considering this was officially the 134th time they were trying to get it right with Ash Ketchum, he could let it go. "You're to head off the Chosen One and get him back on track. Since he's heading to Johto, I figured waiting over by New Bark Town would do the trick."

"But I don't wanna!"

"... For a Legendary Beast who prides himself on being the lone feline - and a big cat at that - of the group, you sure sound like a whimpering dog right now."

"But that's the thing! I'm not the only cat around here!"

"You're not?" That was a new one. The horse-like creation deity thought about for a few seconds, but still wasn't sure exactly what the Thunder Pokemon was implying. "I suppose Mew could be considered cat-like, in a weird sort of way, but that's basically it…"

"Not Mew. The other me!"

"... Excuse me?"

"You know, the one with the fur that looks like mustard with a yellow plume at it's neck?"

"... Since when did you have a Shiny?"

"Mou, God, you're so mean!"

Arceus just stood there, flabbergasted, wondering what was happening. There was only supposed to be one of each Legendary, last time he checked. Shinies should have not existed. "Um, where's one of my secretaries? Mesprit? Azelf? I'd prefer not Uxie again, but he'd work, too."

Quickly shimmering next to him was a small blue little sprite that looked quite annoyed. More energetic than his knowledge-based brother may have been, it didn't mean that Azelf enjoyed being called in randomly. "Yes, Lord God, sir."

"Ah, Azelf, good. I was hoping it wasn't Uxie."

"Your will is my command, Lord God, sir," the symbol of willpower recited blandly. "Though, if you were especially passionate about it, Mesprit may have shown up. She wouldn't have been too happy."

"Yes, that would have been… unpleasant," remarked Arceus, fully aware that, had the bringer of emotion been summoned, no doubt he'd have to deal with the anger that little pink fairy would release in spades. "Well, now that you're here, can you explain to me why there are Shinies?"

"... Because you willed it, Lord God, sir?"

"Yes, yes, I know that. What I mean is why are there Shiny Legendaries? I wasn't expecting that."

Azelf frowned a bit, wondering how the head god could have forgotten that little bit. "'And Lord Arceus looked down upon the Earth, and saw his creations, and declared, Let there be alternate Pokemon, to provide beauty and variation to the world!' I assume, Lord God, sir, that you recall that?"

"Well, yeah, I said it after all."

"And what are you, Lord God, sir?"

"I am Arceus, the creator and Alpha Pokemon of all… Pokemon…" The red in the head god's green eye's dilated, realizing just what his little blue secretary was implying. "Wait, are you saying my decree made _all_ Pokemon have a Shiny version?"

"Yes, Lord God, sir."

"So out there, somewhere, is another me?"

"Yes, Lord God, sir. An all yellow version of you, according to Uxie."

"... WHAT?!"

"... I think I'll go and… do that thing you asked me to, God," muttered Raikou, eager to avoid a temper tantrum from an all-powerful being. Last time something like that happened, Giratina got sent to the Distortion World. The Thunder Pokemon really didn't want to experience that.

Besides, he reasoned, scaring the bejeezus out of a couple snot-nosed brats could be rather fun. And New Bark Town usually had tumultuous weather this time of year. A sudden thunderstorm out of nowhere wouldn't be that far out of the norm.

To be completely honest, he would have gone to the top of Mt. Silver if it meant escaping the wrath of a god.


End file.
